The other week you were all probably made aware of Mental Health Awareness Day. Personally what shocked me the most was the fact it was made a big deal in the school my niece went… More
I think this is probably the first time in the last 3 weeks that I’ve had the motivation to write something, which is sad really because I was so on top of everything not that long ago, I suppose you can say mental health really does mess with you at the worst of times.
I was probably, if not slightly over exaggerating over the matter, at my happiest 3 weeks ago. I had just travelled, my life felt pretty great but obviously me being the over thinker and over analyser of every little thing in my life had to work myself up over absolutely nothing, trust me if I could even remember what it was it probably isn’t much relevance anymore anyway. And then 3 weeks of hell happened. Honestly don’t think I’ve had such a bad anxiety attack before in my life. Its been so long since it happened yet im still unable to eat anything that comes any close to being a meal or even a snack, not because I don’t want too but i just physically cant. I dont want to do certain things i have planned because im absolutely petrified of the outcome because im not the same person from a few weeks ago, i dont feel like her anymore.
I wish I could explain how in dept something changes you and how frustrating it is to not have anyone around you who understands the situation enough to just allow you to talk. Then again it comes to a point that you’re so used to looking after everyone else that you don’t necessarily care about yourself or what you’re feeling anymore. Its confusing, its confusing for everyone else and its confusing for me.
More than anything it’s just sad. The fact that you get so far ahead in something and you feel like you’re achieving things you never would and then you hit a wall and get pushed all the way back down to the beginning again. Its exhausting and im not sure if I want to cry or be angry at everything for what seems like no reason.
In short August was crap and I doubt September will be any better but its closer to Christmas so we can always look forward to that?
Its official, tomorrow I’m going to be an auntie to a 5-year-old.
It’s so scary to think that the little baby who made me an auntie is now what she assumes is a fully grown up woman.
It’s also extremely scary to think I was 16 when Olivia-May was born and from 3 days old I’ve pretty much brought her up so to say we have a close bond would probably be an under exaggeration. I would solely blame her for the earliness in appearance of my grey hairs but in case anyone from her school sees this, she’s an angel, absolute complete angel.
I personally can’t think of anything in my life that was more scary than being responsible for picking a newborn baby up when you’ve never done it before, im sorry 16-year-old was WETTING herself, I didn’t want to pick the baby up by the arms to protect her head and for her entire body to just elongate before my eyes nor did i want her rolling over and dropping her when i tried to pick her up like im making a swiss roll. There should really be a book on that, or a poster, whatever one would be more entertaining i suppose.
Also shout out to the not so small, really came out the womb the size of a two-year old, human for being the only one out of my three nieces to not pee on me, really REALLY appreciate that.
Happy Birthday Gorgeous Girl.
This time last year me and my friends decided to join in on doing a colour run and raising money for Mia Moos Foundation and we really enjoyed it. Not only was it for a good cause but it was a really good day out. So when the opportunity came around this year we thought we’d do it again.
A little insight to the charity beforehand. Mia is a little girl who is in fact my best friends niece and has been poorly for pretty much most of her life. I’m not 100% informed on the correct details so here is the Facebook page to the charity so you can get informed correctly MiaMoosFoundation. The charity aimed to get a holiday home in place so they can provide holidays for kids with cancer to ensure that they have the ability to make some amazing memories with their loved ones through a hard time. They now have the holiday home and are as I’m aware under 2 weeks away from the opening day and to me that is beyond amazing. So as people who have the ability to be able to raise money and get out and be able to do all these things it only seemed right.
Thankfully at the moment the weathers been amazing so on the day of the colour run it was almost unbearably hot but at least it didn’t throw it down with rain like last year, that and we knew what we were getting ourselves into this year around whereas last year it was a brand new experience. This year we seemed to get even more covered in colour which is obviously the fun part to being able to raise money, it was also really cute to see some little kids being put in charge of throwing colour at people because obviously to them that’s a grand time, I obviously felt the need to stop and allow everyone to throw colour at me, i mean it made their day?
All in all we ended up raising £220 for an amazing charity and plan to do the same again next year.
Have a good day
Earlier this week it marked a year since I travelled for the first time in 4 years which i should probably find as a scary thought but with how much my life has changed in the past year I’m actually extremely happy to have had that hurdle over and done with.
Being at a different point in my life and looking back on it part of me does feel a little embarrassed to have gotten so worked up over something that doesn’t seem that big a deal now, I mean granted certain aspects of travelling im still working on and getting on a train is still very nerve-wracking but it’s not to the point i feel confined into one town now.
Since travelling to London that day I’ve been lucky enough to be able to travel several other times, with people and on my own. Going Pride Of Britain and a new look event which my best friend was kind enough to invite me too, to name a few.
I often get asked how it came about and how I got the guts to try again after so many fails. If im completely honest, i went with friends and part of me didn’t want to let them down by not being able to go to something that we were all so excited about. So in a way i didnt really have a choice. Not that it’s a bad thing as it gave me that push i needed to be able to actually do it. In a way that made the experience less scary as i felt like i had to put a wall up to seem somewhat cool.
The first time travelling on my own was even scarier, to travel with 3 people is one thing but to travel all by yourself is a whole different board game. As always my mum goes to the train station with me, this time she brought my eldest niece which to be honest was a little selfish but I knew that if she was with me there was no way I’d create a fuss so it was a plus for both sides as she LOVES trains, it just had different reasoning behind it. However when i got on the train it was a different story, i felt like everywhere i sat was someone elses seat so i was constantly on edge that i’d get into an argument with someone about sitting in their seat which eventually led to me standing up and giving up my seat and having to stand for most of the hour, which wasnt fun. I also continuously checked that i was on the right train, i mean there was no other train then the right one to be on but you can never be too cautious.
The second time travelling on my own was a lot easy. I was able to get on the train no problem and even though I still had the initial worries I actually sat back and listened to music on that journey which helped a lot.
Apart from the travelling aspect of life I’ve been told I’ve changed massively over the last year. I couldn’t tell you to be honest, other than the obvious change in happiness I feel like a slightly overweight version of myself. I mean for sure I’m experiencing life a lot more than what i used too and that has a massive effect so in that sense i suppose you can say I’ve changed completely.
With all this though I am more than aware that im not at a point in my life that im completely comfortable with, there are things i still want to do and things i want to be able to achieve im just currently stuck in a cycle that i need to find out how to break and that takes time. At the end of the day im not here to please other people so i’ll take it all at my own pace, i’ll get there eventually.
I do have trips in the pipeline actually so I’ll let you all know when and why they’ve come about when they happen.
Have a good day
Nearly 4 years ago when I was at my worst my parents came across an article about a girl who happened to have a dog. An article explaining how much her dog had helped her in bad situations and how it continued to help her with her mental health.
Now my dad was against pets, always has been to be honest. He’s not the animal loving type. However this article swayed him a little, I say a little because he was still not for getting a pet but he was interested in just how much difference they can make. So me and my mum naturally searched out a dog and brought her home without him knowing until we showed up at the doorstep.
I remember the first few days where I felt horrendous because she didn’t come near me at all, if anything she ran the other way. I immediately thought it was because she could sense what i felt and it scared her, i felt horrible, scaring a dog off for something i myself couldn’t even control. Eventually however she settled in and to this day won’t leave me alone. The main question i always get asked when i tell people the part reason behind getting Bow is does she help?
It seems strange, a four-legged fur animal could make such a difference to someones mood and chemically I havent got a clue how it works, i don’t know if there’s something about how our bodies react to dogs that means it calms our inner self down or if it’s the dog itself that has some effect but i can honestly say that my dog is definitely a main part of how well i am today.
Now my dog is definitely not one to have cuddles, if anything when you go to cuddle her she walks away and just stares at you until you move from her spot but when im sad she senses it and just lets me cuddle, for as long as I need. Or if im having an anxious morning she just pops up with kisses and just lies near me and it works. It’s crazy how calm i feel in my dogs presence and honestly getting her was the best decision ever. Not only did we give her a better life as her past wasnt exactly pretty but she gave me a better life too.
I’m aware that you get those dogs that have been specially trained to help people with disabilities and mental health issues and they have a more in dept way of understanding it and that’s amazing, I applaud that. My dog didn’t, if anything she came to us as an overly skinny, beaten and out of control little 3-year-old. If anything she understood from a more personal level, she spent the first week or so just sat in a corner refusing to come near anyone but my dad. However shes as happy as she can be now, just like me.
So the answer is yes, yes dogs really can help you mentally and physically in all aspects of life.
Have a good day
To finish off the blog posts about my niece in a round about way I thought i would give an insight into some of the outfits she has in her wardrobe (i say wardrobe to make it seem cool when in fact it’s under bed draws) and some of the outfits she wears. Now before i get into it i would like to say there’s not going to be any expensive or branded clothing here simply because she’s a toddler, she gets messy and she grows ALOT so I’m not about forking out money for clothes and then not allowing her to be a normal kid in them. This way i don’t have to worry about just how ruined they get and she can do whatever she likes (within reason) with them on. She also has a vast majority of clothing that she likes in her draws as if we’re shopping for clothes and she sees something that’s appropriate she’ll end up getting it simply because even if its ugly to my eye it’s not to hers and i want to allow her to express herself in a way she wants.
Olivia’s clothing pretty much come from the same place, I mean there are a few stragglers that i happen to see and pick up along the way, which ill be sure to mention the place of purchase if that does come up but where i live there isn’t really a decent clothes stores for toddlers so we end up usually shopping in the clothing part of Morrison, Nutmeg. I will try to add pricing and information on the clothing but like may clothing pricing does vary so even though my niece is 4 she is currently in 6-7 clothing meaning the prices i put will be for that age.
Pineapple dress chosen by Olivia herself, comes with a little pineapple bag. £9 Nutmeg. The back is pretty low but other than that the material is really good and not too much shrinkage when washed.
Sunglasses £3, Trousers £6, T-shirt £5. Nutmeg. The watermelon pants are my FAVOURITE thing and Olivia being Olivia loves the funky patterns, T-shirt is a weird material and discolors a little, Sunglasses Olivia picked herself because pink.
Onesie, if im being completely honest I can’t even remember. Nutmeg. Its hands down my favourite thing ever, its thick and SO soft. Was more than happy to allow her to even walk up the road to her nannas in it.
Trousers £7, Top £5, Jacket £6. Nutmeg.
Trousers are actually embroided at the pocket which you sadly can’t see in this picture and they are cuffed at the bottom. Jacket is a normal hoody sort of jacket, not very thick but those sorts of things never really are and the top is a flowly coral colour, the only issue I have is with the two layers of cloth it becomes difficult for them to put on themselves.
Dress £2.99, H&M. I LOVE the designs of their dresses so I picked up a couple when i went into a different town the other day. The sizing of it does confuse me a little but Olivia loves them and they’re cheap as chips (nearly)
T-shirt £1.75, Romper £4. Pep&Co. Also picked these up when I was in another town the other day. I do find the sizing to come off a little short and they do shrink quite a bit in the wash but if im honest with you i was expecting that.
Pyjamas, £6.99. TKMAX. They are official Disney pyjamas I just happened to spot them when we were at tkmax one day, im unsure if they’re still for sale at disney and if they are what price but they’re SO cute. A little thin but it’s always quite hot in our flat so that’s never an issue.
T-shirt, can’t remember the exact price but I think it was somewhere along £6. Nutmeg. You cant see the print properly in this picture but it is in fact a dinosaur print t-shirt with a little blue accessible pocket on the front. Olivia picked this one, its her favourite animal, or just thing in general, dinosaurs. I love it, it goes with anything.
T-shirt not sure on price, Trousers £7. Nutmeg. The t-shirt is in fact shirt material and does have darkish blue and white strips with an extra bit or trimmed fabric near the collar, it also has cuffed sleeves. The trousers are white high-waisted ‘skin tight’ jeans with accessible pockets. The tshirt sizing came up a little small and shrunk in the wash to an unwearable size but the jeans are still to this day wearable, just not as white.
This is a two piece outfit that is sold as one. Trousers and top £12. They’re only recent purchases so havent really had a good run of the life of a four-year old but I’ll be sure to let you all know how it goes. The top is has a knitted look about it and has little flowers embroided into the top. The waistband of the pants are also stretchy even though the bottoms are very flary.
That is 10 looks from Olivia’s wardrobe, as I said her clothes are SO affordable and as far as im concerned she makes them look as good as they can, granted all the clothes may not be in your taste nor to the design you’re looking for but there are other affordable clothes of a more normal style, Olivias just not a normal styled girl. I can honestly say though that majority of the clothing that has been brought have been able to be used more than once and clean off pretty good. It’s just a shame you can slow down the growing process of a child so it can be used a little longer.
Also before ending this blog post I would like to make it apparent that all these photos were not taken in one day. Olivia loves a good photo like any child, posing is her favourite thing to do, besides eating and being a drama queen of course. These photos were actually taken over the course of a month or two and quite happily.
Have a good day
If you know me personally or follow any of my social medias you would be well aware that my eldest niece, Olivia-May is near finishing her first official year of school. As someone who’s quite involved with my nieces I thought id write a blog post just to describe some of the certain things that are different from what i thought they may be.
I’m not here to give horror stories nor fill other people’s mind with dread on what that year may entail as obviously everyone has different experiences but this year was definitely nothing like I thought it may be. To say i went in with this idea that it was going to be easy as anything and the involvement needed wasnt major meant i was given a big shock, call me naive or whatever but bear in mind i havent really been around anyone younger than me so this whole starting school experience is brand new to me.
The uniform, I don’t think going through school i was truly aware on the cost of uniform, i think i just assumed that it was money and money was available no matter what so it was fine, this year i was truly shown just the price my parents must have regularly gone through. Not so much in older years at school but definitely in the younger years children are growing CONSTANTLY, my tiny little 4-year-old niece currently already being in 6-7 t shirts is a prime example of that. Meaning her cardigan is just about still fitting her, her shoes are near enough too small, her tshirts are just able to be tucked in and this is after having to buy several more packets because they’ve become so dirty what with the activities she’s done or the discolouration which quite frankly i CANT stand, any tips on helping that would be more than appreciative. Meaning thinking back there’s never really a month free where you aren’t buying something new. On a tip note, definitely have a spare 2 or 3 pairs of trousers on hand because no doubt said child will come home on Monday covered in mud but come Friday they’ll be walking home in sparkling clean uniform, happens every week without fail.
Homework, never really a nice topic. I don’t know what made me think in my tiny mind that homework would probably not be an option this year, whatever it was has made me more than aware just how truly stupid I am. The writing is pretty easy, in fact with a little bit of persuasion and showing of the letter formations its more than easy to get a kid to try to follow along, especially when they only really make you write one or two letters at a time. ITS THE READING. I am genuinely grey. Whilst theyre growing up children always have books read to them meaning the first proper time in getting them to understand that they have to try and understand the words themselves is tricky meaning it often becomes them looking at the pictures which of course is fine, until later on in the year. Olivia is pretty good with understanding words, recently being moved up onto a level 2 of reading however it doesn’t mean that she WANTS to do it, if anything its a task. A child will just blurt random words out when you ask them what it says even if they are more then aware on what that word actually is, to them its boring so why do they have to pay attention? So you take a deep breath and try again because it’s not their fault really they just dont understand so you sit there for at least an hour to finish one page meaning you both become frustrated and just downright done with it. I even went as far as to ask some advice from the teacher, i was told to take it slow and only read two pages per time, didn’t really have the balls to tell her getting past the first word is a struggle within itself. Not that it would be very believable, kids take on a completely different personality when they go to school, stick your halo on your horns type.
The last thing that you don’t really expect is the amount of events. I mean obviously I have no idea if other schools have so many events on but Olivia’s school has LOADS. Dont get me wrong i LOVE it, i love how they get each parent so involved with the kids learning and how they often invite you in to little shows to show the progress they are having but my god, Liv has something on almost every week and my diary is FULL. To the point im almost anxiously checking it at random times in a day just to be 100% sure i havent accidentally missed the fact i have to pop to the school for something. The other month i went to eat fruit and read, yes exactly.
Now please don’t take this blog post the wrong way. I’m now fully educated on that absolute mountain school is to climb from the outside and I do indeed salute actual mothers. I am also in no way slating a school or the things they do as what do i truly know. I just thought i would be truthful with just how brutal of an effect it is.
The positive though is that it’s SO rewarding to see this tiny human form in front of your eyes, to see them excess as certain parts and just become more confident in themselves. For sure since starting school Olivia has come out of her shell a little bit and not only that but she comes to our house informing us of facts that we of course ‘dont’ know. The other month it being the story of easter which I was pretty impressed with. At her parents evening last she got nothing but praise with how much she had been able to do in such a short period of time and hearing someone talk about a child in such a way is a confidence boost within itself. So it is more than rewarding but it is very challenging at the same time. Anything for the kids though right?
Have a good day