Earlier on when I was just being my general nosy self i happened to come across that it had actually been roughly a year since i wrote a blog post on how damaging i found… More
Exactly a week from today, Monday 5th February, I turn 21. I officially hit that age that you imagine for most of your childhood life. Its pretty scary when you think in dept of how much in your life you were told about how amazing being 21 may be, how as soon as you turn 18 the next big milestone is 21. You expect by that age you should have your life somewhat together with most of the grades etc you need or at least plans to get such accomplishments.
So when it comes to me turning 21 I have mixed feelings. I’ve never been a lover of getting a year older, if anything I would do anything to go back to being 5 and back to the carefree girl i once was however life just doesn’t work backwards so i have to get older. Looking back on my life there’s not many things i feel as though i can stand up and say that im proud of doing, granted I’ve come a long way since my last birthday and overcome some amazing obstacles that this time last year i wouldn’t have even thought i could do, but i haven’t really done something i can wholeheartedly say i would be in a hurry to let everyone know about.
Saying that emotionally I feel completely different. This time going into my 20th birthday I wasn’t in the best place, not only was i down with a bug but i was very mentally drained. I didn’t feel myself at all and after everything the previous years in what i had taught myself when it came to managing my mental health i was disappointed because if anything it had all gone down the toilet. This year it’s still challenging and i still have my days and god they can be awful but all in all i know myself and i have learnt so much about myself lately that i feel a lot more mentally stable then what i once was.
Every year I usually set myself goals. 9 times out of 10 they don’t get done and I end up feeling even worse when the year comes to an end. I find I’ve tried to control everything a little too much and only constricted what i could achieve so my only goal for this year is to be more laid back. To do things i probably don’t have the balls to do and to just not care about every single comment from people and what some people may think about certain decisions i make because at the end of the day they’re my decisions and if they end badly then that’s on me and i can deal with it when that time comes but from panicking about other people’s perspective i just double the pressure on myself.
I thought to end my 20th year I could highlight a few things that happened this year which have stuck with me and made a huge difference to the person i am today.
Self Hate. At the beginning of last year I wrote a blog post on how i couldn’t stand certain parts of my body, the main part being my stretch marks. Now this used to be a really sensitive subject for me and i spent months getting down about them in general and how they made me ‘look’. To say im now completely in love with them would be an exaggeration but im completely over the fact they are there. Some days they bother me and get me upset but most days im proud of the fact that they’re on my skin. i feel like excepting them and that they’re meant to be there has also help me love myself during my weight gain lately. I mean it’s not a drastic gain in weight but i was always very small and fitness looking so it’s quite a difference for me. I’m comfortable non the less.
Raising Money for Charity. In the past I’ve never set out myself to raise money for a charity, i mean granted i’ve given to charity and my mum shaved her hair off and raised an amazing amount for charity but when it came to doing something completely off my own back i didn’t really know where to start. This year me and friends raised money for mia moo foundation and it was such an amazing experience and eye opener. I cant wait to get involved and do more fundraisers for charities.
Travelling for the first time in 4 years. This was quite possibly the best thing I accomplished this year, however my second happiest moment (you’ll see further down the icing on the cake for this year). I never imagined ever travelling again, ever getting on a train and ever leaving somewhere that i hadn’t been going to since i was a little baby so getting on a train, travelling to London for the first time and being happy the whole day was the biggest challenge and step i could have ever taken.
Getting my ears pierced. This seems silly and if im honest with you it really is. I hardly even remember now and mostly forget to put earrings in but the fact that i done it after having so many years where i had a mental block and just couldn’t bring myself to do it without panicking makes me amazingly happy and definitely changed my way of thinking when it comes to my fears.
Travelling on my own. Crazy right. I travel with friends for the first time in 4 years and suddenly I grow courage out of nowhere and manage to travel on my own. I mean let’s be honest i worked myself up like crazy and almost even chickened out of going. Being completely honest if it wasnt for the fact of my friend going out of her way to come up to my platform and meet me i would’ve 100% have made an excuse on why i couldn’t go so for her to do that really helped in changing my thought process on the whole thing and meant that i even travelled on my own for the second time!
Moving house. Oh god what an emotional rollercoaster that was. My childhood home. My absolute hatred for the idea of it all. I mean its alright I suppose.
Getting a tattoo. Something I thought about doing for years but never got the courage. Now i cant wait to get another one
The final and happiest moment of me being 20. Little Amelia-Rose being born. My third niece. I mean any child changes your life but the third girl of let’s be honest a very dramatic mother is a smack in the face or two. I say that as a joke (obviously) she is the little light of my life just like her sisters and it was the perfect way to end the year. Becoming an auntie of 3.
This will probably be my last blog post being 20 so here’s to wishful thinking that my 21st year will bring a lot more happiness than the previous years and a lot more adventures. See you when im older!
Have a good day
This blog post is in fact going to be completely different to what I originally thought i would be writing for my first skin update. I in fact assumed that it would be no different because i had got it in my mind that everything i was doing to ensure the improvement of my skin just wasnt working. Recently however i have put side by side pictures together and im beyond shocked at the change that I’ve just neglected to notice.
Before I show a comparison i would love to say that the duac alone was able to give these results but its anything but. I decided around 2 weeks ago, maybe 3 weeks if im being completely honest, to completely change my skin routine and become stricter in myself to take care of my face and really get rid of the makeup i was using after the day was up. I had used simple products previously as recommended by my doctor and to be completely honest at first it made my skin extremely dry and quite frankly feel horrible and sore to even go out with because it was so dry it would crack almost instantly. I did however carry on with using the Simple facial wash but just added an extra element to my routine and instead of using a light moisturizer i would use a heavier one and over time my skin became back to a tolerable state.
Not only did i change my moisturizer i added an extra product that i was told would improve the state of my skin, if im being completely honest i purchased said product because i was just beyond done with my face and the state it was in. I was willing to try absolutely anything. Witch Hazel. I hadn’t heard of witch hazel until i saw it on a post in a beauty page that i just happened to click on and ive never been more thankful. The change in my skin in the last 3 weeks since using it is remarkable. At first i wasnt 100% sure what witch hazel was so quite frankly i was putting something on my face without doing the research first and truly knowing what the product was, i highly recommend you DO NOT do this. Before trying a product on your face at least research and know what you are in fact allowing your skin to soak in. I was lucky. Witch hazel is a said to be a natural remedy which helps the inflammation and irritation of skin, it is in fact in a lot of health care products mainly to do with the skin. Now witch hazel is actually not recommended to be ingested so please before using it allow yourself to get known with the risks and possible side effects. Obviously to help your skin you have no need to orally take witch hazel so the side effects almost half. All you really need to do is get a cotton pad, soak in witch hazel and dab on your skin. As witch hazel can kill bacteria that lives in the skins pores, reduce the amount of oil in your skin and speed up healing you can only imagine the results it can possibly have on someones acne.
Now for the pictures, I do have to mention however that i am no way comfortable with putting up pictures of the state my skin was in. Now there is nothing AT ALL wrong with acne in fact it’s quite natural but so is feeling self conscious in yourself and the way that you look and for me that has always been a huge issue.
As you can see in the picture on the left my skin was VERY irritated and sore and if im completely honest with you the lighting in the picture allows me to hide a lot of very small blemishes. The picture on the right was taken a mere hour ago. There is still scaring which im not really expecting to go away and im perfectly ok with that. There is no irritation and it’s not sore in the slightest. There are no bumps and my skin is smooth to the touch. Some of the spots leading to my forehead are still quite red as you can see but they are the ones that have taken alot longer to heal as in the first picture they were quite fresh. Taking that into consideration though they are merely scabs now and will no doubt be nothing more than a scar if that in a couple more weeks.
I’m extremely happy with how my skin is going. I must be completely honest with my progress however and say that the opposite side of my face was in fact in a worse condition than this side meaning it is still pretty bad so I don’t feel 100% confident sharing that just yet but know that in time i will share absolutely everything with you all.
I do recommend Witch Hazel 100% but i cant stress enough how the effect it can have on everyone’s skin is completely different. Everyone has different skin meaning everything can have a completely different reaction so please be very safe and VERY aware of the different side effects and possible reactions you could have when using said product. The product itself on the bottle doesn’t really show many side effects but you can never be too careful in what you use on your skin.
Here is the link to what i use in case anyone is curious: Witch Hazel
Have a good day
Happy new year everyone!
I hope you all had an amazing Christmas and joyful happy new year celebrations.
Sadly I was effected so bad by events that happened earlier in December that i became ill for Christmas and then was too anxious to go out and enjoy new year celebrations but none the less i spent the night with my youngest and eldest niece which was just as enjoyable, even if they did both fall asleep by half 8!
I promised myself in 2017 that this would be the year about myself, where i be selfish and put myself first in situations i wouldn’t usually merely because again my mental health wasn’t becoming the best and i personally feel in 2017 i focused way too much on other people, meaning i began to neglect myself and just glide over the fact that i need looking after too. Granted it really hasn’t gone to plan what with it being the 5th of January today and the year is already disastrous for me but i can be positive and just hope it becomes better, i mean i have the rest of the year to go.
Other than that im pretty excited for this year, this is the year I turn 21. The age many people feel needs a huge celebration, which is true. It’s a big age why not celebrate it. I however am not having a huge celebration, for the actual day im spending it with the family and doing traditions I’ve been doing for years. Little things that make me happy.
After that my year is pretty jam-packed with birthdays. This year will mark the year my nieces turn 5,3 and 1. Which in itself is pretty emotional. My mum, Nan and sisters birthday all being in the same month and my brother’s birthday being the month before. No doubt I’ll spend my year stuffing myself with cake so im not even going to bother to set a health goal for the year because being real here, I never stick to them for very long. Not that i feel as though im a bad weight, i just feel like I’ve put on a few more pounds then i would like or am used to which just doesn’t make me feel very comfortable but im sure in time things will change. In my thoughts that is because i doubt any weight loss will happen with how busy life has gotten at the moment.
I do have a few personal goals that I’ve set for myself but I don’t feel confident enough to share them at this moment in time but through the year ill hopefully feel more open in talking about them. My one big goal however is to get back into writing my blog properly. I feel as though in the last 6 months although blog posts have been posted there’s not as much as what i used to do so if anything i plan to structure my time more and find time to sit down and just write out a few in advance so if i do have a busy time where im not able to sit down that i at least have something to post.
Fingers crossed 2018 is the year I hit 10,000 readers! Only just over 1,000 to go!
Have a good day
As some of you may be aware it’s not unusual for me to write about the journeys I am taking when i begin them. Most of the time these journeys are situated around my mental health and the things i may or may not be doing to improve myself. I do sometimes however decide not to include you in other journeys of my life for no particular reason other than i just don’t feel very confident in writing about them. Which brings us to the new journey.
A couple of months ago I wrote a post about my skin. Saying how using a product was helping me with the troubling parts of my skin. Now as i was growing up my skin was hardly an issue. Granted i got a few spots here and there but it was nothing very drastic and they appeared and disappeared quick enough without a fuss needing to be made. Bring me to around 17 and my skin started flaring up a lot, again not really in a way that i felt was troubling, if anything it was very normal for someone my age and although it took awhile to disappear it was no trouble and eventually it was gone.
Fast forwarding a tiny bit more to the end of 2016 and my skin again flared up. Being used to this I thought nothing of it and as usual carried on with my skin routine which looking back now wasnt a very good one. Months passed and nothing changed, if anything it was getting worse. Thats when i discovered pro-Activ+ and i give it the credit its due. It worked amazingly for around a month or two and then nothing. My skin was back to its old self only more sensitive.
I tried different facial washes, different treatment, everything. Nothing helped my skin. Bring us to today and in a polite way lets just say im not confident in myself in the slightest.I don’t want to go out without makeup on however I dont want to go out with makeup on because i fear it will only make matters worse. My skin became sore to touch and my face red raw for reasons im still not sure of. I let it breathe and decided to wash it with warm water for a while to see if it made anything difference. The only difference made was it became extremely dry, along with being sore which was made worse because of the cold weather in the recent months. I felt as though my face was on fire pretty much every time i stepped out my front door.
I’m not one for doctors, never have been and probably never will be. Nor am I one for going there if i feel like the situation isn’t severe enough but my face was causing so much agony that i just had to go. Getting there isn’t an issue, however seeing a doctor im not familiar with is a huge issue with me. I feel as though im going to get a bad reaction from going into the doctors about something so minor when someone else could’ve had my place. She was ok, personally don’t think she was very nice but i couldn’t 100% tell you whether that was because she was genuinely rude or i was just having a bad day and misinterpreted her way of helping as being rude so I’ll stick with she was ok.
I have acne, like everyone else. If anything im lucky because my acne is mild, from a professionals prospective. Obviously in my eyes its very severe, like anyones would in their own eyes but with a little bit of help it should go away within time. This brings me to my journey, I was prescribed with Duac which is a gel based antibiotic that you rub into the effected areas once daily.
Now im all for trying things out and keeping my fingers crossed so I thought i would bring you all in on the journey with me to see if and how it helps.
When trying Duac for the first time I found that it wasnt gel like at all, if anything it was more of a runny cream and a little bit goes a LONG way. I’m one of those people who do the whole a little bit with creams but then feel like it hasn’t properly covered the areas i feel it needs to but with this if anything i always put too much on my hand and i only use a pea sized amount every time.
It did however BURN. I was fully aware this might happen as the woman told me that I might experience some mild irritation on the first couple of applications what with having some open wounds however it was so bad i felt the need to fan my face until it eventually cooled down. Today however, 4th application, its calmed down and there’s no burning sensation whatsoever.
Something that’s alarming me however is one of the main ingredients. When I first saw the box i didn’t think much of what it said as i don’t usually keep the boxes to my creams because i find they always lose shape and become an ugly nuisance but when taking something new i ALWAYS read the instructions. The one thing that stuck out for me is the caution ‘May bleach hair and colours of dyed fabrics, furniture or carpeting’ which in turn made me look at the ingredients. One of the main ones being Benzoyl Peroxide. Now I havent got a clue on the medicine side of things, im beyond clueless but i cant help but find the word peroxide on my skin somewhat alarming? and for me to read that, someone who panics at the slightest thing im starting to wonder if i should truly carry on trying this? If someone has an answer i will be forever grateful!
Yes and no. My face is no better, quite obviously, it hasn’t been even a week yet so I don’t expect there to be a positive outlook quite in sight. However if anything my spots are so much more noticeable and red. Some i used to be able to hide because they were there but they were very faint looking and didn’t really have much going for them but now its like they’ve come out of their shell suddenly and every spot on my face is as red as possible and beyond sore. Some even feel like they have some pressure to them causing my head to feel a little sore.
I’m hoping this is just a ‘has to get worse to get better’ situation but again I cant truly say anything until I’ve been using this for at least a month or two. I can only keep my fingers crossed and hope that they at least become less sore and painful.
I’ll keep you updated on the skin side of my life at least once a month, with other blog posts in between, to let you know how im getting on.
Have a good day
A little less than a year ago I made a blog post telling everyone about my decision to stop counselling, Final counselling decision.
For people who weren’t reading my blog then I’ll give a little recap. Roughly a year ago I was going through my second lot of counselling since leaving school. After the first lot of counselling not going well and making me feel worse in myself mentally then i had ever felt i decided i would go back one final time in the hopes that this time i will be in a better head space and able to somehow better myself. I had it in my head that after a year something might have changed and i would be at least able to talk more openly and freely to the counselors at my local doctors office. Sadly that wasn’t the case and i personally felt for the better of my mental health that after just a few counselling sessions that i would not continue. At the time it was a tricky decision, on one half i wanted the best help possible for myself to get better and more mentally stable whereas the other half of me just felt like this wasn’t the case whilst counselling was involved. I felt like i wasn’t being listened to fully nor was i being taken very seriously.
A year later and to say looking back and thinking it was my best decision would be an overstatement. Granted this past year I’ve come a long way to who I used to be, something i have managed to achieve myself. However with every plus there is a huge downfall. There are times when i feel like counselling could have been beneficial to not me being able to overcome fears but just my mood in general. For example, things affect me a lot more than what they should. Recently something happened which has been causing me to lose sleep and quite frankly not feeling very mentally well in myself. That isn’t me however accusing people of making me act or feel that way, it’s just i haven’t fully worked out how to cope with things properly yet without hiding myself away for a while. This being the downside to my decision.
I think the main issue was not the counselling itself but the attitude that was given from both sides of the situation. I wasn’t treated very well but then again I wasn’t treating myself and my mental health well either this in turn made the mood horrible and a not very nice place to be which isn’t nice for anyone to be around.
But did i make the right decision?
100%. For me personally I feel like the realisation that counselling wasn’t for me was something that needed to happen. Yes it took me a further 10 months and many failed attempts to finally achieve a big milestone and something i can finally say that i did myself. I can’t say for certain whether that would have been achieved sooner or not with counselling but i can say that it was achieved in a less forced and controlled way. I felt as calm as i could have felt and i felt ready in myself to finally push myself further.
My advice for anyone struggling on the decision of carrying on with counselling or not is definitely to trust yourself. You know more than anyone else what is best for you and whether it’s the right time for you or not. Your mind is yours alone and no one can possibly know every inch of what is happening in there. If you feel like you need to leave then try it and if it’s not the best then you have the option to come back but if you feel like counselling is benefiting you then definitely stay. There is nothing wrong with getting help nor is there anything wrong with wanting to help yourself.
Have a good day
From personal experience I am more than aware of the struggles some people may face in knowing they need help but not exactly knowing how to go about it or simply being too scared to bring the subject up face-to-face to someone. So in writing this blog post i hope to give at least one person an idea on the ways they could go about it.
Firstly i would like to say that i am in no way trying to be a professional i have simply gone through this situation myself and thought it may help other people to have help from someone who been through a similar experience.
Writing a letter..of some sort.
When having difficulty with words writing a letter is usually the next call, being able to write your words down instead of saying them aloud brings a comfort to some people, it being easier to convey everything they’re trying to say without the fear of what the other persons facial expressions may be. This being said the wait on the other person reading the letter can cause some people to panic and second guess what they’re doing especially when your mind is against you. Luckily in this day we have technology which may be a burden in some sort but it does give you the option to ‘write a letter’ and send it straight away so even though you may still have the fear you wont have the option to take it away before being able to let someone know that you need help.
When writing your ‘letter’ i do suggest that you write as much as you want. Dont feel like you need to let that person know everything that’s going on in your mind because remember at a later date you will get more professional help meaning you have someone else to let into your mind on a less personal level.
Letting a teacher know..
If you’re still in school and find it difficult to let your parents in and talk to them about how you’re feeling seeking advice from your school is possible. In most schools they have a counselor or a school nurse that you can go to and talk about the way you are feeling, this way you can ask them for help and they can directly speak to your parents for you. If your school doesn’t have a nurse or a counselor go to a teacher you trust the most or a teacher that you find very approachable (i.e. form tutor, head of year or your favourite teacher)
In most causes the school will not speak to your parent without the consent of you, unless however they feel as though you are in danger they will not tell anyone. So remember when talking to them if you would like your parents to be notified that you give them the permission to do so.
Over the years we have been lucky enough that technology has evolved in a way that we are able to search one thing into google and get a million results back instantly. This meaning many places offer you someone to talk too online about your troubles, this may not be a solution onto getting that additional help but it may comfort you and give you more professional advice on how to tell someone you need that extra help.
You may wonder why I’ve put doctors down as one. Many people find it difficult to talk to their parents whether that may be because they feel they’re on a too personal level with them or just because they’re simply scared of what the reaction may be. Asking them to book you a doctor’s appointment without explaining the reason in full will give you the chance to tell your doctor the way you are feeling and get the help you are needing. They also offer support in telling your parents, which is amazing.
However if you are still young and in school I don’t want to cause any confusion in you thinking you shouldn’t tell your parents whats going on, whether it may be through a letter or through a doctor your parents always need to know whats going on. That is one vital tip that should always be followed no matter what.
Telling a friend..
Everyone has a best friend, that one person that’s not part of your family but you trust them with every one of your secrets. Some people may find it easier in telling their best friend whats going on as it lessens the fear of telling someone who you feel may not know everything that goes on behind close doors. By this I mean a best friend you tell everything about your life and they’re even there to see most of it, for example most people don’t go home and tell their parents that they spoke back to a teacher or they mouthed off at someone for pushing into them or giving them a dirty look through the fear of their parents being disappointed in them but with your best friends you feel more at ease and at less of a stress to please that person.
With all this being said I would like to point out one fact. There is a chance that the person you’re telling may not know what to do with the information. Usually this may be parents. It’s difficult to know what help is needed or what may be the cause behind you feeling the way you do. A natural parenting instinct is for them to wrap you up in bubble wrap and shield you from things they assume is making you feel the way you do. Granted this is extremely sweet of them but remind them that the main cause of mental health problems can’t be avoided. Your mind is your mind and no amount of presents or ‘are you ok’ is going to shield that from what you may be experiencing. Try giving them some examples on what you feel you may need help from, telling them a doctor can help may be the easiest route to go down for both sides.
you feel like none of this may be comfortable for you then don’t hesitate to message me, im available 25/8 and will not judge anyone in the slightest.
Have a good day
When writing my last blog post my emotions were everywhere. I hated the fact that change was coming and only a couple of days later I would be made to move out of my childhood home. I hated that i didn’t particularly have a say in what was happening and i was moving into a place i HATED with a passion. I didn’t understand and i didn’t like the change so quite naturally i was upset and angry at everything around me.
It’s now coming up to 2 weeks in the new place and my mind has completely changed, I love it. I mean it does come with its downfalls which we are slowly getting over but all in all it’s not as terrible as i thought it would be.
I miss the old house, I miss the stairs and i miss the independence we had from the neighbours, having our own garden and being able to be somewhat inconsiderate when it came to music levels (to an extent might i add as my dad is VERY strict about the volume of music). I miss only having my Nan at the top of the road and being able to pop down for dinner without having her worrying about me getting back home in the dark. I miss the independence i had from everyone else in the house, somewhere i could escape and not have the worry of having anyone walking in constantly.
However with every negative there are so many positives. The new place is right near town meaning not only is my dad able to get out more but I don’t feel as panicky if i happen to want to go out on my own, its close to many of my friends houses which means i dont particularly have to walk far to get there (kind of a selfish thought but its fine). The doctors is literally round the corner which is extremely beneficial with all the doctors and hospital appointments we seem to have in our family and the area where we live now is extremely quiet. We dont have the banging music from neighbours each side and we dont have people fixing cars in our garage out the back. Its pure bliss.
I love it.
I wish I could say the same for my dog though, bless her soul. She didn’t quite understand the first night we stayed here which is understandable. However the poor girl barks at absolutely everything at the moment. We’re hoping it eventually calms down and she just needs to get used to the place, hopefully then i can get a full nights sleep. She is however doing extremely well with not having free range of a garden like she used too. You see our garden isn’t attached to our place, it is in fact a shared garden so we have to go out our front door and through another door to access it which was my main concern as in the old house we used to leave the door open all day for her to freely go in and out and i expected some accidents from her until she adapted but she’s had none whatsoever, shes surprised me by how well shes adapted.
With all the feelings and thoughts of the initial move out the way lets rewind back to moving day. We officially moved all our stuff on a Wednesday, i know during the week is somewhat a strange day but it was really the only day possible. At first we were super stressed on how we were going to manage what with my parents unable to help due to health issues and my siblings not being able to help as one is pregnant and the other was at work, this meaning i was originally going to need to step up. However we had THE best removal men. They done absolutely everything for us, meaning i could go to the new place and make sure i was there when they arrived and everything went into their rightful place. I honestly can not fault them at all, they were polite, gentle with our personal belongings and even made sure my dad didn’t chip in like we knew he would want too. It took around 3 hours to move all of our stuff and by the end of the Wednesday our beds were up and we were half unpacked into our new place. Id like to say we stayed up with that pace of unpacking but 2 weeks later and my mirror is still standing in my bedroom covered in bubble wrap (I’ll get there eventually). The first night was beyond strange and completely different to what i thought it would be. For the first time in years the whole house was able to sit in the front room and just chat and laugh all night whilst eating doughnuts and its up there with one of my favourite memories. The second day was tough, i was feeling awful. As much as i want to say i overdid it, i was missing the old place and feeling overly emotional about all the changes. I was feeling anxious about how the neighbours would react to the dog and whether they were polite or scary. I over thought the fact that we only had one door meaning the only way to get out in a fire if the door was blocked would be the window and the thing that makes me most anxious all the time, the carbon monoxide alarm wasn’t set up.
As the last 2 weeks have gone on i feel myself settling in more and liking the place more and more everyday, do i think i will ever love it more than the old house? no, not at all. I would move back there in a heartbeat if i could but im excited for all the new memories to come in our new place and i cant wait to share them with you all.
Have a good day