In roughly two weeks I turn 22. To say im happy and excited to start a new chapter of my life is a complete understatement. Being 21 didn’t live up to all I felt it… More
The other week you were all probably made aware of Mental Health Awareness Day. Personally what shocked me the most was the fact it was made a big deal in the school my niece went too. Now obviously im not going to say the name of the school simply for the safety of my 5-year-old drama queen but as someone who has suffered with mental health problems for as long as I can remember this was the first time I had seen a school acknowledge it in someway. I mean im not saying it was amazing because i clearly don’t know what happened during the day and what the students were taught about what mental health can be.
I mean hats off to the teacher doing their best, but I feel like sometimes children can feel forced and pushed into situations by the teacher and because they’re unsure about what their feelings are and how to express them they end up being absent from school and losing even more hours of learning so the fact that a school could potentially be allowing their students a more in dept look on what their feelings might mean makes me beyond happy.
Of course it does also upset me because it makes me think, why only one day our of an entire year? Why does it have to be a nationally known dedicated day for it to be on the cards to teach children? Students of all ages experience feelings they don’t understand nor do they know how to handle and they aren’t given the information nor the resources they need to figure it out meaning in the long run there’s a bigger impact then what there could be if it was just taught to them.
Yes all core subjects are important and extra subjects are good in the creativity of children but when I was at school you had a period ever Thursday where you would be taught practically nothing but it was known as ‘life skills’ I personally can’t recall one single thing learnt in these life skills lessons and remember half the time the teacher just allowed us to talk amongst ourself. Why cant that be a platform to talk about feelings? Is it that much of a hidden subject nowadays that you’re forbidden to talk about feelings in front of any other human being? How do you expect children to know anything about whats a normal feeling and whats abnormal for their age if no one around them is willing to explain it to them?
I mean granted give everyone the benefit of the doubt, going back generations it wasn’t really taught so some people, my parents being among that at one point, were uneducated in the subject but come on. There are so many professionals and people out there willing to discuss with children the importance of how they’re feeling and helping them to reach their full potential both mentally and physically that surely its worth it?
From personal experience the schools I went too had absolutely no help, i mean they’d state they would and if any parent came in they would adamantly say they will provide help to the needed pupil but as a pupil all i seemed to receive was more grief for what i felt like i wasnt able to do. In year 9 our class was set a speaking and listening assessment and i mean i sailed the listening part with flying colours but you can bet i avoided doing that speaking part with every inch of my life. I came into school late, i skipped lessons in the toilet, i faked illnesses to my parents so i didn’t have to go in. Did it make me feel any better? Of course not because i didnt have the knowledge to be able to understand my situation and the feelings that came along with it. Yes i told the teacher but i felt she continued to belittle me in front of the whole class on the days when i did go in, which lets be honest was two within an entire two terms. Dont get me wrong i wasnt avoiding doing it, i just couldn’t. I could not stand in front of a class full of people, in which half of them hated me because it seemed ‘cool’ and read something i had written myself when i wasnt confident enough to do so nor was i confident in my writing. However every time i asked to do it in front of teachers in the staff room i was denied. I was stopped in the corridor when i would go to History by the teacher loudly announcing i still hadn’t done it or i would be told by class friends that she had mentioned me in class whilst i wasnt there and used me as a not very nice example. Obviously this meant the next year she purposely made sure i was knocked down a set because of it.
Do I feel like that could have been avoided? Of course. If the teacher was more educated and i knew what i was feeling then maybe we could have come to an agreement i mean personally that probably wouldn’t have happened because she got a personal vendetta against me but if i had the platform to have educated me i couldve at least gone to someone higher to get the help i needed.
Basically what im trying to say is education is important but so is education in mental health or just general feelings. You don’t expect a child to grow up and figure out maths and english for themselves so why are they expected to figure out their own feelings by themselves with no guidance? My nieces are lucky enough to know about mental health at their age already and I will continue to educate them and allow them to know what their feelings mean so they can get the best out of their life sadly however the only good platform some people have is school.
It’s so important and I hope more school become aware of just how important it is.
So it’s no secret that I have overly problematic skin and I’ve used untold amounts of products to try to help overcome that, I mean I’m 21 acne is normal at my age anyway, to an extent. The problem is I’m currently on medication that’s side effects are also acne. Which put my skin and that together is really a cause for disaster.
That brings me to my current dilemma. Now I don’t wear makeup that much, I mean am i too lazy to put it on, yes kind of but I’m also just for the extra sleep instead of waking up early to make myself look somewhat a tiny bit better. I say that when let’s be honest I’m not THE best at makeup so if anything i look like a newly released recipe for a Victoria sponge cake. However lately my skin is so bad that i have to wear makeup because to me going out with my natural face is a lot worse than badly done face paint.
I think a while ago I did a blog post on why I wasn’t using proactive anymore and i instead had tried the simple face wash and added distilled witch hazel into the mix. The simple face wash if anything has just made my face incredibly dry and sore to the point I’ve tried multiple moisturizer and nothings helped, so i stopped using it. The witch hazel however I’m probably still more in love with it then i was at the start.
So that brought me to buy more skin care products that have witch hazel included into them, now im not sure how this is going to turn out at all and whether my skin will cope with such a sudden change but as I see it, it can’t get much worse so might aswell try.
I’ll probably keep you updated on whether it works or not and whether my skin has cleared up somewhat, id say in the next couple of weeks but im on holiday next week for a week so I doubt my skin care routine will be a main focus in that, I mean I’ll try but i don’t plan on wearing makeup and im unsure if anything else can fit in my suitcase at this moment but i can hope.
Products I brought:
Foaming Facial Wash, £4.19: https://www.boots.com/boots-tea-tree-and-witch-hazel-foaming-face-wash-150ml-10125605
Shine Control Day moisturizer, £4.19: https://www.boots.com/boots-tea-tree-and-witch-hazel-shine-control-day-moisturiser-75ml-10125609
Blemish Stick, £2.99: https://www.boots.com/boots-tea-tree-and-witch-hazel-blemish-stick-6g-10125654
If these do work I do plan on purchasing some other products but obviously im not going to purchase every single one without at least testing it first.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
As people grow up they genuinely go on quite a lot of holidays with their family, if i’m honest with you I don’t think I have at least one friend who didn’t, which obviously means i was that friend. I never went on holiday growing up. So here i am aged 21 and completely stressing about the fact that on October 7th i go on my first ever holiday.
Am I completely petrified and over thinking every little thing? Of course I am. It probably doesn’t help that i have so many people waiting for me to just fail at the whole thing, that’s a right confidence boost for a girl who has none as it is.
Also no one ever told me just how stressful shopping for the holiday can be. Its less than 3 weeks until I go on holiday and I honestly couldn’t feel more unprepared if i tried. I’ve only just finished buying things that i think i might need, which lets be honest i probably don’t need a travel first aid kit but i sure as heck brought one. I hate pretty much every part of my body so ive never felt so uncomfortable at the thought of wearing shorts or even bikinis in my life. I’m used to just leggings and a vest top, or a baggy top. I’m just very sensitive to dirty looks.
I think part of me is hiding behind the stress of buying for the holiday because I know if i didn’t it would have a huge effect on me just thinking about the fact im away for 7 days and if anything happens with my parents i wont be able to just take a half an hour walk or so back home like im used too, which in itself petrifies me. Only a year ago i started being able to travel out of where i live for a day and till this day I’ve probably only left my town for one night, the thought of anything longer fills me with dread.
I mean don’t get me wrong im excited to go on holiday, like I more than understand that some people don’t have the chance to go away in their life because of the cost so in that respect im beyond thankful that I get the chance too. I’m just unbelievably petrified and when there’s no one around who fully understands it i almost feel like the panic im going to go through it going to be completely underestimated and as usual im going to make a dick out of myself, because obviously that’s what i do best.
I suppose we’ll find out on October 8th if I have the balls and make it to Greece.
I think this is probably the first time in the last 3 weeks that I’ve had the motivation to write something, which is sad really because I was so on top of everything not that long ago, I suppose you can say mental health really does mess with you at the worst of times.
I was probably, if not slightly over exaggerating over the matter, at my happiest 3 weeks ago. I had just travelled, my life felt pretty great but obviously me being the over thinker and over analyser of every little thing in my life had to work myself up over absolutely nothing, trust me if I could even remember what it was it probably isn’t much relevance anymore anyway. And then 3 weeks of hell happened. Honestly don’t think I’ve had such a bad anxiety attack before in my life. Its been so long since it happened yet im still unable to eat anything that comes any close to being a meal or even a snack, not because I don’t want too but i just physically cant. I dont want to do certain things i have planned because im absolutely petrified of the outcome because im not the same person from a few weeks ago, i dont feel like her anymore.
I wish I could explain how in dept something changes you and how frustrating it is to not have anyone around you who understands the situation enough to just allow you to talk. Then again it comes to a point that you’re so used to looking after everyone else that you don’t necessarily care about yourself or what you’re feeling anymore. Its confusing, its confusing for everyone else and its confusing for me.
More than anything it’s just sad. The fact that you get so far ahead in something and you feel like you’re achieving things you never would and then you hit a wall and get pushed all the way back down to the beginning again. Its exhausting and im not sure if I want to cry or be angry at everything for what seems like no reason.
In short August was crap and I doubt September will be any better but its closer to Christmas so we can always look forward to that?
Its official, tomorrow I’m going to be an auntie to a 5-year-old.
It’s so scary to think that the little baby who made me an auntie is now what she assumes is a fully grown up woman.
It’s also extremely scary to think I was 16 when Olivia-May was born and from 3 days old I’ve pretty much brought her up so to say we have a close bond would probably be an under exaggeration. I would solely blame her for the earliness in appearance of my grey hairs but in case anyone from her school sees this, she’s an angel, absolute complete angel.
I personally can’t think of anything in my life that was more scary than being responsible for picking a newborn baby up when you’ve never done it before, im sorry 16-year-old was WETTING herself, I didn’t want to pick the baby up by the arms to protect her head and for her entire body to just elongate before my eyes nor did i want her rolling over and dropping her when i tried to pick her up like im making a swiss roll. There should really be a book on that, or a poster, whatever one would be more entertaining i suppose.
Also shout out to the not so small, really came out the womb the size of a two-year old, human for being the only one out of my three nieces to not pee on me, really REALLY appreciate that.
Happy Birthday Gorgeous Girl.
This time last year me and my friends decided to join in on doing a colour run and raising money for Mia Moos Foundation and we really enjoyed it. Not only was it for a good cause but it was a really good day out. So when the opportunity came around this year we thought we’d do it again.
A little insight to the charity beforehand. Mia is a little girl who is in fact my best friends niece and has been poorly for pretty much most of her life. I’m not 100% informed on the correct details so here is the Facebook page to the charity so you can get informed correctly MiaMoosFoundation. The charity aimed to get a holiday home in place so they can provide holidays for kids with cancer to ensure that they have the ability to make some amazing memories with their loved ones through a hard time. They now have the holiday home and are as I’m aware under 2 weeks away from the opening day and to me that is beyond amazing. So as people who have the ability to be able to raise money and get out and be able to do all these things it only seemed right.
Thankfully at the moment the weathers been amazing so on the day of the colour run it was almost unbearably hot but at least it didn’t throw it down with rain like last year, that and we knew what we were getting ourselves into this year around whereas last year it was a brand new experience. This year we seemed to get even more covered in colour which is obviously the fun part to being able to raise money, it was also really cute to see some little kids being put in charge of throwing colour at people because obviously to them that’s a grand time, I obviously felt the need to stop and allow everyone to throw colour at me, i mean it made their day?
All in all we ended up raising £220 for an amazing charity and plan to do the same again next year.
Have a good day
Earlier this week it marked a year since I travelled for the first time in 4 years which i should probably find as a scary thought but with how much my life has changed in the past year I’m actually extremely happy to have had that hurdle over and done with.
Being at a different point in my life and looking back on it part of me does feel a little embarrassed to have gotten so worked up over something that doesn’t seem that big a deal now, I mean granted certain aspects of travelling im still working on and getting on a train is still very nerve-wracking but it’s not to the point i feel confined into one town now.
Since travelling to London that day I’ve been lucky enough to be able to travel several other times, with people and on my own. Going Pride Of Britain and a new look event which my best friend was kind enough to invite me too, to name a few.
I often get asked how it came about and how I got the guts to try again after so many fails. If im completely honest, i went with friends and part of me didn’t want to let them down by not being able to go to something that we were all so excited about. So in a way i didnt really have a choice. Not that it’s a bad thing as it gave me that push i needed to be able to actually do it. In a way that made the experience less scary as i felt like i had to put a wall up to seem somewhat cool.
The first time travelling on my own was even scarier, to travel with 3 people is one thing but to travel all by yourself is a whole different board game. As always my mum goes to the train station with me, this time she brought my eldest niece which to be honest was a little selfish but I knew that if she was with me there was no way I’d create a fuss so it was a plus for both sides as she LOVES trains, it just had different reasoning behind it. However when i got on the train it was a different story, i felt like everywhere i sat was someone elses seat so i was constantly on edge that i’d get into an argument with someone about sitting in their seat which eventually led to me standing up and giving up my seat and having to stand for most of the hour, which wasnt fun. I also continuously checked that i was on the right train, i mean there was no other train then the right one to be on but you can never be too cautious.
The second time travelling on my own was a lot easy. I was able to get on the train no problem and even though I still had the initial worries I actually sat back and listened to music on that journey which helped a lot.
Apart from the travelling aspect of life I’ve been told I’ve changed massively over the last year. I couldn’t tell you to be honest, other than the obvious change in happiness I feel like a slightly overweight version of myself. I mean for sure I’m experiencing life a lot more than what i used too and that has a massive effect so in that sense i suppose you can say I’ve changed completely.
With all this though I am more than aware that im not at a point in my life that im completely comfortable with, there are things i still want to do and things i want to be able to achieve im just currently stuck in a cycle that i need to find out how to break and that takes time. At the end of the day im not here to please other people so i’ll take it all at my own pace, i’ll get there eventually.
I do have trips in the pipeline actually so I’ll let you all know when and why they’ve come about when they happen.
Have a good day