This blog post is in fact going to be completely different to what I originally thought i would be writing for my first skin update. I in fact assumed that it would be no different… More
A little less than a year ago I made a blog post telling everyone about my decision to stop counselling, Final counselling decision.
For people who weren’t reading my blog then I’ll give a little recap. Roughly a year ago I was going through my second lot of counselling since leaving school. After the first lot of counselling not going well and making me feel worse in myself mentally then i had ever felt i decided i would go back one final time in the hopes that this time i will be in a better head space and able to somehow better myself. I had it in my head that after a year something might have changed and i would be at least able to talk more openly and freely to the counselors at my local doctors office. Sadly that wasn’t the case and i personally felt for the better of my mental health that after just a few counselling sessions that i would not continue. At the time it was a tricky decision, on one half i wanted the best help possible for myself to get better and more mentally stable whereas the other half of me just felt like this wasn’t the case whilst counselling was involved. I felt like i wasn’t being listened to fully nor was i being taken very seriously.
A year later and to say looking back and thinking it was my best decision would be an overstatement. Granted this past year I’ve come a long way to who I used to be, something i have managed to achieve myself. However with every plus there is a huge downfall. There are times when i feel like counselling could have been beneficial to not me being able to overcome fears but just my mood in general. For example, things affect me a lot more than what they should. Recently something happened which has been causing me to lose sleep and quite frankly not feeling very mentally well in myself. That isn’t me however accusing people of making me act or feel that way, it’s just i haven’t fully worked out how to cope with things properly yet without hiding myself away for a while. This being the downside to my decision.
I think the main issue was not the counselling itself but the attitude that was given from both sides of the situation. I wasn’t treated very well but then again I wasn’t treating myself and my mental health well either this in turn made the mood horrible and a not very nice place to be which isn’t nice for anyone to be around.
But did i make the right decision?
100%. For me personally I feel like the realisation that counselling wasn’t for me was something that needed to happen. Yes it took me a further 10 months and many failed attempts to finally achieve a big milestone and something i can finally say that i did myself. I can’t say for certain whether that would have been achieved sooner or not with counselling but i can say that it was achieved in a less forced and controlled way. I felt as calm as i could have felt and i felt ready in myself to finally push myself further.
My advice for anyone struggling on the decision of carrying on with counselling or not is definitely to trust yourself. You know more than anyone else what is best for you and whether it’s the right time for you or not. Your mind is yours alone and no one can possibly know every inch of what is happening in there. If you feel like you need to leave then try it and if it’s not the best then you have the option to come back but if you feel like counselling is benefiting you then definitely stay. There is nothing wrong with getting help nor is there anything wrong with wanting to help yourself.
Have a good day
From personal experience I am more than aware of the struggles some people may face in knowing they need help but not exactly knowing how to go about it or simply being too scared to bring the subject up face-to-face to someone. So in writing this blog post i hope to give at least one person an idea on the ways they could go about it.
Firstly i would like to say that i am in no way trying to be a professional i have simply gone through this situation myself and thought it may help other people to have help from someone who been through a similar experience.
Writing a letter..of some sort.
When having difficulty with words writing a letter is usually the next call, being able to write your words down instead of saying them aloud brings a comfort to some people, it being easier to convey everything they’re trying to say without the fear of what the other persons facial expressions may be. This being said the wait on the other person reading the letter can cause some people to panic and second guess what they’re doing especially when your mind is against you. Luckily in this day we have technology which may be a burden in some sort but it does give you the option to ‘write a letter’ and send it straight away so even though you may still have the fear you wont have the option to take it away before being able to let someone know that you need help.
When writing your ‘letter’ i do suggest that you write as much as you want. Dont feel like you need to let that person know everything that’s going on in your mind because remember at a later date you will get more professional help meaning you have someone else to let into your mind on a less personal level.
Letting a teacher know..
If you’re still in school and find it difficult to let your parents in and talk to them about how you’re feeling seeking advice from your school is possible. In most schools they have a counselor or a school nurse that you can go to and talk about the way you are feeling, this way you can ask them for help and they can directly speak to your parents for you. If your school doesn’t have a nurse or a counselor go to a teacher you trust the most or a teacher that you find very approachable (i.e. form tutor, head of year or your favourite teacher)
In most causes the school will not speak to your parent without the consent of you, unless however they feel as though you are in danger they will not tell anyone. So remember when talking to them if you would like your parents to be notified that you give them the permission to do so.
Over the years we have been lucky enough that technology has evolved in a way that we are able to search one thing into google and get a million results back instantly. This meaning many places offer you someone to talk too online about your troubles, this may not be a solution onto getting that additional help but it may comfort you and give you more professional advice on how to tell someone you need that extra help.
You may wonder why I’ve put doctors down as one. Many people find it difficult to talk to their parents whether that may be because they feel they’re on a too personal level with them or just because they’re simply scared of what the reaction may be. Asking them to book you a doctor’s appointment without explaining the reason in full will give you the chance to tell your doctor the way you are feeling and get the help you are needing. They also offer support in telling your parents, which is amazing.
However if you are still young and in school I don’t want to cause any confusion in you thinking you shouldn’t tell your parents whats going on, whether it may be through a letter or through a doctor your parents always need to know whats going on. That is one vital tip that should always be followed no matter what.
Telling a friend..
Everyone has a best friend, that one person that’s not part of your family but you trust them with every one of your secrets. Some people may find it easier in telling their best friend whats going on as it lessens the fear of telling someone who you feel may not know everything that goes on behind close doors. By this I mean a best friend you tell everything about your life and they’re even there to see most of it, for example most people don’t go home and tell their parents that they spoke back to a teacher or they mouthed off at someone for pushing into them or giving them a dirty look through the fear of their parents being disappointed in them but with your best friends you feel more at ease and at less of a stress to please that person.
With all this being said I would like to point out one fact. There is a chance that the person you’re telling may not know what to do with the information. Usually this may be parents. It’s difficult to know what help is needed or what may be the cause behind you feeling the way you do. A natural parenting instinct is for them to wrap you up in bubble wrap and shield you from things they assume is making you feel the way you do. Granted this is extremely sweet of them but remind them that the main cause of mental health problems can’t be avoided. Your mind is your mind and no amount of presents or ‘are you ok’ is going to shield that from what you may be experiencing. Try giving them some examples on what you feel you may need help from, telling them a doctor can help may be the easiest route to go down for both sides.
you feel like none of this may be comfortable for you then don’t hesitate to message me, im available 25/8 and will not judge anyone in the slightest.
Have a good day
When writing my last blog post my emotions were everywhere. I hated the fact that change was coming and only a couple of days later I would be made to move out of my childhood home. I hated that i didn’t particularly have a say in what was happening and i was moving into a place i HATED with a passion. I didn’t understand and i didn’t like the change so quite naturally i was upset and angry at everything around me.
It’s now coming up to 2 weeks in the new place and my mind has completely changed, I love it. I mean it does come with its downfalls which we are slowly getting over but all in all it’s not as terrible as i thought it would be.
I miss the old house, I miss the stairs and i miss the independence we had from the neighbours, having our own garden and being able to be somewhat inconsiderate when it came to music levels (to an extent might i add as my dad is VERY strict about the volume of music). I miss only having my Nan at the top of the road and being able to pop down for dinner without having her worrying about me getting back home in the dark. I miss the independence i had from everyone else in the house, somewhere i could escape and not have the worry of having anyone walking in constantly.
However with every negative there are so many positives. The new place is right near town meaning not only is my dad able to get out more but I don’t feel as panicky if i happen to want to go out on my own, its close to many of my friends houses which means i dont particularly have to walk far to get there (kind of a selfish thought but its fine). The doctors is literally round the corner which is extremely beneficial with all the doctors and hospital appointments we seem to have in our family and the area where we live now is extremely quiet. We dont have the banging music from neighbours each side and we dont have people fixing cars in our garage out the back. Its pure bliss.
I love it.
I wish I could say the same for my dog though, bless her soul. She didn’t quite understand the first night we stayed here which is understandable. However the poor girl barks at absolutely everything at the moment. We’re hoping it eventually calms down and she just needs to get used to the place, hopefully then i can get a full nights sleep. She is however doing extremely well with not having free range of a garden like she used too. You see our garden isn’t attached to our place, it is in fact a shared garden so we have to go out our front door and through another door to access it which was my main concern as in the old house we used to leave the door open all day for her to freely go in and out and i expected some accidents from her until she adapted but she’s had none whatsoever, shes surprised me by how well shes adapted.
With all the feelings and thoughts of the initial move out the way lets rewind back to moving day. We officially moved all our stuff on a Wednesday, i know during the week is somewhat a strange day but it was really the only day possible. At first we were super stressed on how we were going to manage what with my parents unable to help due to health issues and my siblings not being able to help as one is pregnant and the other was at work, this meaning i was originally going to need to step up. However we had THE best removal men. They done absolutely everything for us, meaning i could go to the new place and make sure i was there when they arrived and everything went into their rightful place. I honestly can not fault them at all, they were polite, gentle with our personal belongings and even made sure my dad didn’t chip in like we knew he would want too. It took around 3 hours to move all of our stuff and by the end of the Wednesday our beds were up and we were half unpacked into our new place. Id like to say we stayed up with that pace of unpacking but 2 weeks later and my mirror is still standing in my bedroom covered in bubble wrap (I’ll get there eventually). The first night was beyond strange and completely different to what i thought it would be. For the first time in years the whole house was able to sit in the front room and just chat and laugh all night whilst eating doughnuts and its up there with one of my favourite memories. The second day was tough, i was feeling awful. As much as i want to say i overdid it, i was missing the old place and feeling overly emotional about all the changes. I was feeling anxious about how the neighbours would react to the dog and whether they were polite or scary. I over thought the fact that we only had one door meaning the only way to get out in a fire if the door was blocked would be the window and the thing that makes me most anxious all the time, the carbon monoxide alarm wasn’t set up.
As the last 2 weeks have gone on i feel myself settling in more and liking the place more and more everyday, do i think i will ever love it more than the old house? no, not at all. I would move back there in a heartbeat if i could but im excited for all the new memories to come in our new place and i cant wait to share them with you all.
Have a good day
Lets throw it back to 2003 when little 6 year old me was told the exciting news that we had finally got a house after living in a tiny flat with my nan for a lengthy period of time, we were finally all going to have our own space and better yet our own bedrooms. The excitement and happiness you feel just to know of all the space you’re going to get to run around, the garden you’re finally going to have to be able to run around without the watchful and very worrying eye following you around constantly. As you can imagine it was an amazing feeling.
Lets fast forward to now. 14 years in this house, the memories that have been collected that 6 year old me could have only dreamed of having. 20 year old me now getting ready to leave.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you’ll know that both my parents arent quite well, especially my dad. Recently after an appointment we were made aware that his mobility can become very limited in a short space of time. Obviously in a house with alot, exactly 13 (I’ve counted them many times), stairs it just isn’t practical. If anything at first we were hoping on adapting the house to what might be needed but quite frankly that just wasn’t manageable. I mean if i could pick absolutely any scenario that would be it. Instead we started what we thought would be a lengthy battle for a new place, a place adapted and fully accessible from each angle.
This is the stage we’re at now, the stage my emotional self is writing from. We found a place, a place that is pretty much everything that is needed for us yet here i am feeling like an ungrateful spoilt brat at the thought of having to move from a house filled with so many memories. I cant really remember not living in this house, i cant remember a memory that doesn’t involve these certain rooms. Quite frankly i couldn’t imagine a memory without them.
With every new place there is ups and downs and things you will and will not like, having experienced these along with my nan and her many moves i feel that comes naturally to any place yet here i am despising a place straight away just because its not my childhood home. I feel like im not able to vision it being home or giving it a fair chance because of having such an emotional attachment to our current home. For example i find myself worrying and overthinking the most stupidest of things like will my dog like the new place or will it confuse her and make her unhappy, how will the place fair overtime, will it still be as great and how can we possibly downside such a big house into such a small space and it still be livable. Im aware how silly this all sounds but my mind is my mind and its always worked in mysterious ways.
I am in fact writing this in advance to when it’s going to be posted meaning we in fact haven’t said yes to the new place nor have we got the keys until around 3 days time and when this is posted we will probably be way into the dept of moving in and somehow finding out how to get rid of several cardboard boxes that suddenly have no use to them, i may feel differently then or i may feel exactly the same i haven’t a clue but ill be sure to update you all when we eventually move in and get settled.
Have a good day
I’ve been absent for a while and whilst i wish i had some sort of excuse for it to make my life seem somewhat exciting i sadly don’t. If anything it’s just the natural progression of life that has caught me off guard and several things have come up altogether so i thought what better way then to sum everything up from the last couple of weeks in one post.
Going way back to my last blog post, a few days before my family had made a decision that pretty much changes the everyday running of life meaning any spare second has gone to getting ready and all packed up for a new adventure which i will eventually talk about in a later blog post.
I then last-minute decided to take a trip to London, ON MY OWN. If you’ve read my blog from the beginning you would be aware on how much of a big deal that is, for me to get on a train by myself and travel all the way to London before meeting friends is a big deal and if im honest with you i was doubting myself, abit like everyone else but i felt different somehow. I felt like even though i was god awful petrified to the point i was throwing up that i could still do it and i did! If im completely honest i personally know i wouldn’t have even had the thought to try if it hadn’t had been for my two best friends pushing me into travelling with them only a few months before. I feel thankful that i have such supportive but pushing people by my side, it being exactly what i need.
After that weekend i felt poorly and drained from such a good day but also such an exhausting week beforehand what with panicking about what could potentially go wrong meaning the next couple of days i was just resting and getting myself back up to normal health.
The next big event after that was quite possibly the saddest, in my eyes anyway. My baby niece started nursery and my eldest niece started big school. That’s right they’re both officially in some sort of education. I’m so sad that they are growing up but so happy of the little ladies they are turning into. Whilst the eldest is loving going to big school, wearing a uniform and learning new things, my poor sensitive soul in the youngest one is hating her time at nursery at the moment, meaning her little face when she goes in is a little short of heartbreaking but I know in a few weeks she’ll love the place. Not going to lie that being with my sister when they are both in school/nursery is too quite and now I cant wait until October for the baby to arrive!
I was hoping to update after them starting school but typical me caught a bug and when I say a bug i mean i felt bed bound for days by how go awful it made me feel but i won’t go into detail as i know some people who read my blog may have a phobia and not particularly like talk of such things.
To say a specific date I could update next would be bad of me what with certain things in my life at the moment being uncertain and left in the open to be decided at any time meaning i can only say that the next post will be up when i get the time away from my hectic life. I do however miss posting weekly, i feel its my time out on life and i can let my feelings be known a different way and a way that wouldn’t get too many questions but I’ll get back to that schedule eventually.
Have a good day
So today’s blog post is abit of a different one as lately I’ve been having trouble with my wisdom teeth which seems to somehow effect my ability to do the simplest tasks (in which i will explain in a later blog post) but for now i thought i’d show some of my makeup looks I’ve recently done as I’ve been trying out new ways that are out of my comfort zone. I would like to point out that i am no MUA so theres probably a tonne of things wrong with each look but i had fun and i think they all turned out pretty well. I would also like to point out that there is no editing on these photos so the look you see is exactly how it was.
Eyes: Majestic Palette/Certifeye.
Eyebrows: Collection Eyebrow Kit
Foundation: Light Porcelain/Rimmel (cant find link to any but Ivory but i purchased it from superdrug)
Eyebrows: Collection Eyebrow Kit
Foundation: Light Porcelain/Rimmel
Eyebrows: Collection Eyebrow Kit
Foundation: Light Porcelain/Rimmel
As i said this is not usually the direction i go in but if you would want more information about how each makeup product is then let me know and i’ll see what i can do and relay what my personal thought is.
Have a good day
Obsessions are something you’re not necessarily aware you’re doing. They start off slowly and suddenly you’re stuck in the middle of this situation where you’re unsure on whether to keep going with the obsession or try and ween yourself away.
Throughout our lifetime we probably go through several of these, most of them being normal and completely healthy obsessions with what may be a product or a person (somewhat healthy then?) whereas other times it can be completely out of the blue.
My obsession was and still is somewhat embarrassing and very pathetic sounding. I take screenshots on my phone. Not in the bitchy way or the way in which you would send to a group chat. I screenshot because of the time. If i open my phone i HAVE to screenshot it, granted now it isn’t that excessive and im able to only do it if i feel as though the time has some sort of significance to it but its still pretty much there.
I remember i started doing it because of 11:11, a time these days that is often associated with good luck and then i started to do it on other times like 12:12, 23:23 or even times like 01:23 or 12:30. My body then was taken over by panic at the thought of not doing it every time i opened my phone, this meaning even if it was clicked on accidentally and the screen lit up i would HAVE to screenshot it because if i didn’t i would be taken over by this overwhelming feeling of panic.
It was like an anxiety attack but also very different from one. Not only was i anxious at the thought of what may happen if i didn’t screenshot i was also anxious of forgetting to screenshot meaning most of my time was taken over by making sure that was at the front of my mind in order to screenshot it. It even got to a point that my entire camera roll was filled with screenshots. Below I’ve attached a picture showing just the extent of my obsession, although you cant see the time and this was just a few of them screenshots it gives you the idea of how bad it got.
Eventually i was lucky enough to be able to get out of the mind set that i NEEDED to screenshot every time im on my phone and i currently only do it at times i feel are special in respect to what hour it is. So the anxious obsession is still very much present and showing itself.
To me personally it is strange and embarrassing but i feel as though its good to talk about it and get it out there so other people who may have what they feel strange anxious obsessions can know they’re not alone and its perfectly ok.
Have a good day
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