I’m not usually one who discusses my emotions in an out there way, nor am I one who feels the need to share everything from my inside life that’s going on but with today I feel like there’s someone in my life who needs some recognition. Someone who is such an angel so many people have told me how lucky I am.
I am in no way saying mine and my mums relationship is perfect because it’s anything but, we have disagreements, fights, argument. We shouts and scream, cry and ignore eachother. Every possible thing you would expect a mother and daughter to do we do.
I feel bad, my anger getting to the point sometimes I say mean and hurtful things that I wouldn’t usually say, my mouth overtaking my brain in a heated moment not being something I’m proud of.
However from a young age my mother has always been the main factor in my life. Growing up she was never very well, every month being in bed a couple of weeks due to some illness we are still unknown of. Suffering depression, loneliness and even a stroke. Not once did she bother to stop and think about herself, throughout all her pain, her illness and her down thoughts us kids were always the one thing she put first. I understand some people may comment, well isn’t that what a mother is supposed to do? And yes it is but never to the extent she went too. She went through hell and back to do everything she possibly could and that’s something I admire.
I get so proud when people say how lucky I am to have her as a mother, proud and happy that they get to see the side of her I do, the side that is special in so many ways. Her understanding nature and the way she handles everything is something I aspire to be. The amazing woman she’s become is something I want to be with my kids when I’m older.
In life we take our parents for granted, the littlest things they do we don’t realise at the time, we don’t realise how much of an effect it has on them because it has such a little effect on us. If I had one wish in the world it would be that my mother could freely go around without the panic of getting ill at the drop of a hat, without being bed ridden for weeks and without the worry of having to rely on her children. I would send her every ounce of happiness and health I could gather together.
I know she feels like she’s taken my childhood away from me, the fact from a young age I looked after her, our bond being kept strong in some strange messed up way but to me that was a blessing. I was with my mum, making memories, making something I could treasure forever and to me that’s way more important then going out.
To my mum, thank you. You’re my inspiration in life. I hope I’m able to be even half the mother to my children. I love you.