Over the years ive grown used to the opinion of other people on my mental illness. Ive put it down to them not being educated enough on the matter and deciding to just let them get on with it, their opinions being allowed. I however have never experienced such disrespect from a profession.
I’ve never really liked the dentist, im sure nobody really does, the thought of someone putting something in my mouth with the potential of it falling and blocking my windpipe makes my palms sweat beyond belief. The smell, the atmosphere just everything in general, so i was panicky when a hole formed in my tooth, knowing there was no putting it off and i really need to get it seen too.
I decided to brave it and face my fear of going being in high spirit as the weekend before i had already faced a fear that i was extremely proud of so i thought why not 2 within a few days. From the start of the appointment i felt like the woman was very hostile towards me, not really asking me whether anything hurts or where the source of the problem was. Halfway through the appointment i thought making a joke might help the situation, telling her i had previously ate a bounty only to be met with a very rude response of “Well that wasn’t very smart” not only did that leave me feeling even more uncomfortable it made me feel embarrassed. As someone who gets by making jokes out of things, the one thats known to crack at joke at the worst situations it made me feel vulnerable, like the act i had hidden behind was just torn away from me within an instant.
I decided it may be best for me to not talk, to stay quiet that way i could get out there as quickly as possible. Sadly she ended up having to take an xray of inside my mouth, me not experiencing this before was extremely panicky, wondering what was going on and how harmful it was to me knowing everyone had to leave the room whilst it was going on. I was only met with even more hostility and to just be told bluntly “its just an xray machine” I would usually be ok i mean im all for people having bad days, me myself turning into the hulk when im stressed or having lack of sleep but what happened next made me feel 10x more humiliated and embarrassed then i already did.
She proceeded to tell me that my lack of attendance to appointments was somewhat irritating which i would understand but i always called a couple of days before to inform them that i wouldn’t be attending so someone could take the slot, which she then accused me of lying about because it wasn’t put on the system. She then told me that people generally use mental illness as an excuse for not wanting to do something and that i should grow up and get the treatment done. Now im fully aware the long term effects that could happen to my teeth if i dont get the treatment i need before they get bad, im fully aware that sometimes people need to be harsh with people so they can get the courage to go through with something but this woman was going too far. I was made to sit in a chair whilst she belittled me not just in front of my mum but also in front of another dentist with the door wide open and the opportunity for anyone to hear. I have never in my life felt so disrespected and hurt. Not wanting to even talk to my mother walking down the stairs and having her book my other appointments that i needed. Pulling my sunglasses over my eyes as the urge to cry was just overwhelming.
To some people this may seem silly, everyone has their opinions in life and are entitle to their opinion but as someone who panics of what people are thinking about them all i could think about was the fact i would be the talk of the room when i left, that i could potentially be at the end of someones laugh. The thought alone making me want to cry.
I’ve always thought of going private with my dentist, knowing there was a treatment that they specifically helped people with my situation i however had been at this dentist for so long i felt the need to overcome my fear and get on with it, the price of going private also leaving no other option. I think its safe to say thats out of the question. I have never been more petrified to get back into a dentist chair before. The thought of being met with the same attitude makes me feel embarrassed to be me, embarrassed of having a mental illness, which has never really happened before. I’ve always been an open book when it comes to my health, deciding its best for me to share my experience with things and inform people about it in the hope of helping someone else in the same circumstances. After this appointment im not sure anymore. I cant really afford private dentist treatments but thats the way im going to go. Hopefully i wont get met with the same response, hopefully someone will understand that its not as easy as they assume it is. That it takes alot of balls to even walk into the door of a dentist let alone sit in the chair whilst they prod you in the mouth.
Its safe to say this has had an effect on my mood, the idea that someone thought so low of me the spoke to me like she did is not something im used too, not something im sure on how to cope with. Im sure i will eventually get over it, i always do.
I have officially made a complain, in what my friends seemed to think was too polite a way but that was the way i was brought up. Knock them down with kindness not with bitterness.