As school starts for most people tomorrow or for the unlucky few who started it a few weeks ago it can be quite daunting i mean you go into not only a new year but a completely new atmosphere, potentially a whole class filled with people you dont particularly get on with and either a boost or knock to your confidence on what level you’ve been put up or down in.
You see the start of a school year was always the worst for me. After a nice somewhat relaxing six week holiday i always dreaded the Sunday before more than anything, it was almost as though a dark cloud had been making its way past me and gotten stuck, i could never shake that feeling. The walk to school and everything about getting back into a routine freaked me out completely. Stationary shopping and uniform shopping i dreaded, i would see everyone rushing around, people looking proud at the fact they would be able to wear it soon and i just felt sick, nothing but negative energy around me and my thoughts
Form was probably the only lesson i would enjoy, i had the same people and the same teacher every year of school, it was almost like a comfort that i could go in and have at least 30 minutes longer before i got thrown into the deep end. Year 10 was the worst for me because of everything that was going on my grades slipped incredibly meaning i was getting lower and lower in levels of subjects. English, although being my favourite i had been dropped a couple of levels, whether it was because i didn’t particular get on with the teacher or my actual progress with work i couldn’t tell you, i just know it didn’t give me the confidence boost i needed, it basically made me feel horrid, i felt like i had been the only one to be moved down so i was being laughed at for the fact i was ‘dumber’ than everyone or i had been singled out for being different and not in a good way.
Many subjects i stayed the same in, my option subjects being that. I never had a trouble with hospitality and catering and IT as there was a maximum of 11 people in both classes so i felt somewhat at ease and like i had a little bit of comfort but business was my biggest fear. Every year we would have a new teacher and new teachers always mean new seating plans and although i never really stuck to them after the first lesson i always dreaded it. As register orders were always used, i despise them, absolutely hate them. I was always next to someone who absolutely hated me, for what reason im unsure but i always felt judged.
Another thing about starting school was the teachers. By the time i got used to my previous teachers they would be changed and i felt anxious to do certain things in my work or to write things a certain way in a fear that they would be laughing whilst marking it or mentioning it in one of their staff meetings.
Since leaving school i’ve come to realise how pathetic it was that i let my thoughts take over, how i let them ruin my way of learning. I held myself back for so many years on a fear of what everyone else thought that it ended up having a physical effect on my grades right up until i had no choice but to leave for the sake of my mental health. I do regret leaving and i would say to anyone that was thinking about it to fully think it through before taking that leap but it was the best thing for me, even though my mental health has gotten worse i feel like its gotten worse in a slow manner, in a manner that allowed me to have a little bit of freedom before i suddenly felt like i need to bow down to its feet.
Every school year comes with worry, its a natural emotion. You’re starting a whole new chapter of your life. Dont hold back, dont let anything stop you from reaching your achievements to get to your final goal. School is just a hurdle so jump.
Have a good day