I feel in this blog post i should start off by apologising for the sudden stop in blogmas. My life suddenly got extremely busy and my parents haven’t been in the best of health meaning i haven’t really had the time to sit down and write a blog post to the standard i would like to achieve before uploading it. I must admit however that i did do far better then i ever thought i could do, always a plus.
After finally getting the time to sit down and write a post i suddenly found myself stuck on what to write about, so having so many things happening in my life lately and writing about it seemed like the right thing to do. I mean im not really 100% sure where i should start but somewhere at the beginning sounds reasonable.
Since my last blog post that was somewhat life related my families been hit with many troubles, some obviously not being wrote about as we are keeping it all very personal but long story short my dads not much better. In fact hes alot worse. Over this past month we have just seen such a fall in his already bad health its worrying. Sadly we have to wait until January for results on this situation so until then all we can do is pray.
These last couple of months i promised myself i would focus on my anxiety and ways that are good to me to beat certain issues. I could sit here and write fake scenarios but quite frankly it hasn’t happened. If anything my anxiety and depression are becoming worse. Silly things like someone putting a whole sweet in their mouth turns me into a panicking mess when usually i can ignore it, i can focus my mind on other things but thats not the case anymore. This leads me to more problems because where do i go from here? Granted theres a way out somewhere like im always being told but i feel like ive searched it for so long that now im coming upto 20 years old its becoming desperate.
I always imagined by 20 that i would have my life together and at least have some sort of thought about my future. My goal being to be settled and happy enough to have kids by at least 25. I now know how impossible that is. Its scary because i get hit with things all the time but my mind rejects opportunities, it rejects people and no one really understands it to the point they carry on until they know my mind can come round, it scares them off instead. It leads to me almost hiding in myself as i know just what will happen, like the many times it has before. I want to sit here and say by the end of 2017 i will be writing a post about how together my life has become in the last year but im finding that tricky to imagine when im not the sort of person to go chasing after things and im certain not special enough for people to come chasing after me.
Leaving this blog post on a positive note however, 2 days till Christmas!!!
Have a good day