Self hate?

 

I’ve thought of doing this post several times but always chickened out mainly because of my own self hate and because to me its something i cant stand to look at. Not because i find them vile in anyway but to me them being on my body makes me uncomfortable to talk about.

I am more then aware then when we grow up our skin is stretched in some places, sometimes to accommodate the extra weight we have put on and sometimes just because it feels like it needs a good ol’ stretch. Now when your body stretches is when stretch marks occur. I was always told that stretch marks weren’t that noticeable and you could get away with them in anyway because at the end of the day a stretch mark is a stretch mark its not something major and they’re only really big when you become pregnant which im perfectly fine with because being pregnant is something special. What i didn’t expect is being 20 with no children and having them like i do.

I dont really recall when they appeared probably because i didn’t even notice for a couple of months, im not very body confident so i just prefer not to look at it. But then when my shirt would ride up if i was sitting, laying or reaching out for something people started to notice them and seem shocked at their appearance. They’re red, the pictures dont really do them justice and im unsure if its because my mind is making me over exaggerate them of if they are generally as red as i see them but they are EVERYWHERE. The worst amount is on my sides which bothers me alot, i have to wear overly baggy T-Shirts that wont show my sides if im reaching, laying or sitting because the thought of another person point them out makes me feel sick inside. I wear overly large leggings for my weight so im able to pull them right up, Simon Cowell style, just for that extra added confidence that they’re well and truly covered but i never feel completely safe. I do have some on my legs and further down but for the fact im not confident enough to picture my legs, im just going to leave it with these two.

 

I’ve been told plenty of times that i need to love myself and love everything about my body whether i may like it or not, its nature and nature is beautiful and i do agree, i agree we should learn to love our own bodies but when its constantly being pointed out to you what else can you do but learn to hate absolutely everything about it.

I mean im not too fussed about the usual things people may be self conscious about. I have gained alot of weight recently but because im still in the preferred weight zone for my height i haven’t batted an eyelid really, except for those outfits every now and then that make you think you should go for a 5 second run at the gym or the times you sit down and suddenly have a warburtons pack of six rolls on your lap but thats the human body, everyone has some type of roll when they sit down, its normal.

These i dont see as normal, these i see as marks that no one is going to find attractive and thats probably why i dress the way i do, i know if they weren’t there i could probably be more confident in dressing somewhat more girly or more ‘nice’ but im so self conscious that they might show that i just cover every single inch not really worrying about the ‘style’ aspect of it all. I want to say i think this because i was always told to think that stretch marks were a lighter shade of your skin and not so red and noticeable and in huge clumps but its not. Its my mind and my own self hate.

It might be confusing as to why im writing this post then if im so self conscious about them but recently I’ve been feeling absolutely horrid about them meaning I’ve been using my social media as some sort of outlet for it and apparently hating your body is seen as attention seeking these days. I just want people to know that its fine to hate a part of your body, everyone probably hates at least one part of their body but just because you hate it doesn’t mean someone else wont love it.

Have a good day

Sky x

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