Travelling is a pretty touchy subject with me i mean for the past 3/4 years I’ve put it on the back burner not really bothering to attempt to travel after my failures in the past. Every time i think of travelling somewhere i think of embarrassing myself in front of everyone when i went to tumble or panicking the whole 5 hours to Bath and making myself poorly. My anxiety just doesn’t do well travelling.

So it will probably come as a complete shock that after all those years im planning to travel yet again. To say im nervous would be an understatement, granted this time i wont be travelling to said place on my own ill be with 3 of my best friends but its no less horrendous for my mind. If im being completely honest with myself i do feel different, more confident about it this time but then i do have those moments where i cant even think about it without feeling sick and my body getting this overwhelming feeling of anxiousness. I cant help but picture all those other failed attempts and embarrassments to myself and assume thats whats going to happen this time but they’ll be people there to experience it aswell. No doubt i’ll be completely quiet and probably even spend the middle of the night crying to myself in the bathroom like i usually do before a big plan but i really am determined to go through with it this time and i couldn’t have a better support network with me in doing so.

I think personally my biggest fear is ruining everyone’s day, i dont want the day to revolve around whether i can do it or everyone’s eyes being firmly fixed on me because of my mental illness nor do i want it to seem like im wanting all the attention from it. Yes its a big deal for me to not only get on the train but be at a train station and yes i do want some sort of recognition for finally being able to do something but i dont want it to overshadow the most amazing day we are going to have. I say amazing because i know it will be even if right now my mind is tricking me into thinking about everything that could potentially go wrong whether it be with me as a person or at home when im not here. Im only going for a day, there in the morning back at night but thats a huge step.

I dont want to crack under the pressure of this when the other day i felt perfectly fine about going but i feel as it gets closer i become more anxious and closed into myself, i overthink it. To stop overthinking for me is near impossible, its something my mind does naturally. If you do it yourself you’ll understand how hard it is to stop once your mind gets going.

I even brought a new portable charger for the trip but my mind is convinced that even with it my battery will go dead and something will happen at home and the first i would know about it would be when i would get back or something happening at home and me having to wait a whole hour trip back on my own with my anxiety and potentially miss something within that hour. The thoughts just keep on coming.

But ill be fine. As much as my mind tries to convince me i wont be i know i’ll be fine.

Have a good day

Sky x

Someones unhealthy obsession?

I have a question, one that some people could probably relate to where as others may have no idea what im on about.

Have someone ever made it so obvious they hate your guts?

At first i thought it was me overthinking things and then i thought i was being silly and just picking out every single negative thing this person said to me because my brain had me convinced they hated me. Then other people started noticing how cruel said person could get to me, how everything i said would be added with a back comment from them on how stupid that idea was. If i wore something out there then i would be subject to a comment which wouldn’t necessarily be mean but would be said in a spiteful way. I suddenly became the victim of someones hatred and i wish it stopped there.

Granted people have hated me before and some probably still do but this is something more, i feel as though my life is under the watchful eye of this one person, that because they’re unable to control me they do it to everyone else around me. I dont feel comfortable having an opinion around them nor do i feel comfortable expressing any desire for anything because i know there will be a back comment. I mean there view on my life doesn’t really effect me majorly it just makes me feel uncomfortable to be open and with someone like me who isn’t comfortable being open anyway its pushing me back. Im not able to make steps to becoming who i want to be.

I know what you’re thinking, get away from them? If only it was that easy.

I think what bothers me more is that they come across as this semi nice, semi neat person when in fact if you’ve breathed near said person they’ve probably slagged you off but i feel with me its different. I have never said nor done nothing wrong to said person for them to be this way nor have i really shown much interest in them or their life but somehow i seem to be the centre of theirs.

Its like I’ve become their unhealthy obsession.

How do i work around that? How can i possibly make my life more comfortable when i have no way out from this watchful eye? I mean i could move away yes but i need help with most things, god i struggle to go places if it means im going on my own so god forbid what would happen if i moved out.

I just want to be comfortable.

Has anyone else experienced this before?

Have a good day 

Sky x

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Starting Physiotherapy??

Around early November time i started to develop pains in my lower back, now getting pains in my back isn’t out of the ordinary. In fact ive gone through physiotherapy once before for the top of my back but this time it felt more serious. I couldn’t sit, walk or really do anything without having a pain which could only be described at feeling like a bone was pushing its way through my skin. Naturally i went to the doctors, or who i thought was the best doctor in the surgery i am currently at, the same doctor my mum saw funnily enough. He told me that i had damaged my coccyx even after me telling him i hadn’t had a fall or anything to hurt that area in any way.

I went away with no painkillers and the thought that in a couple of weeks or so the pain would have gone i could get back to somewhat a comfortable life. I didn’t, i went back to the doctors in December because the pain had become increasingly worse to be told the same thing, i went back again in January, twice in February and then i lost hope, i thought that maybe it was what they thought it was but mine was taking some time to heal so instead of going back to the doctors i dosed up on medication and hoped for the best and it worked for a while but eventually the pain got so bad the tablets didn’t help so i went back to the doctors and this time demanded that they helped me in some way as personally i felt as though there was something more wrong then what they were thinking. I got referred to physiotherapy.

The lady was great, she was polite and absolutely hilarious. She took her time at the beginning to understand the problem i had and even asked more in depth questions that i had never been asked about the pain before. Turns out i dont have a problem with my coccyx. In fact my hips arent level meaning my pelvis has gotten stuck and the bones in my lower back are working extra hard to try and push it back down into its rightful position but it isn’t working. I was informed that there was no way the pain would have eventually gone away like i was told as my body has to be exercised to try and manipulate everything to go back into its rightful place. I was told that eventually everything should go back to normal and that i will hopefully become pain free again which i cant even describe how happy hearing that makes me. Sitting down is becoming so painful that even writing this blog post I’ve had to move to different places several times in order to manage the pain in someway.

I must admit it was very strange at the physiotherapy, terrifying in fact. She was pulling my leg (literally) and the voices inside my head were convinced she was going to pull it off, she didn’t luckily its still there although my very vibrant odd socks were definitely admired. Im not going to lie i was definitely in pain after, in fact i was limping for the rest of the day because the pain caused when i put proper pressure was insane but im very happy that im hopefully moving in the right direction to finally get this problem sorted and its taught me that i know better then anyone else when something is wrong with myself and to follow my instinct no matter what.

Have a good day and dont forget to like my facebook page! https://www.facebook.com/Skylouiseblu/ so i can keep you all up to date with the progression of some of the issues I’ve written about.

Sky x

Manic Monday?

Im not entirely sure how to start this blog post, i thought i would do a blog post on a typical day for me and obviously that was going to be a Monday as thats my most productive day usually but my god i wasn’t ready for what this week wanted to throw at me and quite frankly means that instead this blog post is not going to be about a typical day for me. In fact its going to be about a Monday filled with chaos and everything else in between.

Monday morning came and granted we already knew before hand it would be hectic what with Olivia-May coming up in a rash that we wasn’t entirely sure of and a vet appointment for my dog at 9:10 it was pretty much a rush from the moment we woke up.

We called the doctors first thing like we were told to do because we weren’t sure if it was chicken pox or a normal rash and if im quite honest with you we just needed some advice, we were on the line for near enough an hour and 10 minutes waiting to speak to someone only to be told they couldn’t see her at the doctors and we had to go see a pharmacist which ok i get that, if it is chicken pox it would be somewhat pointless going to the doctors but we were never sure. Obviously because we were on the phone since half 8 waiting to spring up there at any moment we missed my dogs vet appointment which she needed more then anything so we had to rush to book that too which thankfully they had a free that day.

Anyway we took Olivia out, against our own will because she was very clammy and i honestly just wanted her to stay home, but we were advised to take her to a pharmacist and when we did we were just hit with the ‘that looks like its got an infection’ with no other advice on what to do? So yet another waste of time in my eyes. In the midst of all this we had to get my brother to meet us with my dog as it was near her vet time and we just didn’t have the time to walk all the way back home and get her. Then we ended up being late for the vet appointment YET AGAIN. Thankfully only happened to be a couple of minutes and as the vets was running late the woman said it was perfectly fine.

Then we get on the second situation of the day, my dog. Now we’ve had Bow for coming up to 3 and a half years and for the last two years from May to October shes needed medication because last year we were told by the vet that she is allergic to something in those months, or summer as he put it. I was then told by a different vet that it was actually an allergic reaction and i could pay £500 to get an allergy test that could potentially come up as just pollen and still have to fork out over £150 every fortnight or it could be something else and they would have a vaccine for it. Now hes pretty sure its to do with the pollen and there is nothing but medication for her but part of me is like what if it isn’t?? Do i fork out the £500 and it potentially be wasted or not?? Probably didn’t help her case that she was knee deep in dirt, unsure why? She looked like my brother took her for a walk in loads of fields bless her!

Now when i got back i was pretty happy to go back home and relax, the stressful morning becoming abit too much to handle. Did i get to relax? I wish i did.

That afternoon we had to call 999 because my dad was taken ill. He’s ok and resting at home, thankfully but something just went wrong. He became all hot, he found it hard to breath. Maybe because of his SVT or COPD we dont know but the paramedic we got was quite rude. Another struggle is that now my dad not only has breathing problems but his foot has some unknown issue that yet again we are unsure of (this seems to be a regular occurrence with my parents) One day it just suddenly started hurting and now its blue, swollen and unbearably painful to touch but thats an issue with another hospital appointment.

I would stop my blog post there because that was all the drama for that day, in fact i felt like i was someone calm in handling the whole situation especially as Olivia was awake that time and the last time something happened she was all snug in bed. She loved it however, learning all about the body and even calling me fat in front of the paramedics, thanks baby.

Its Wednesday today. My mums become ill after only just getting somewhat better on the 5th May, my dads ill and im constantly alert, Olivia has Chicken Pox and my dog has to take tablets for some sort of allergy i just feel overwhelmed. I feel like life is throwing everything at me at this point in time and im scared of what it will throw at me net. Im becoming so poorly myself from all the stress but i know i have to carry on because im the only one well enough to do so.

Im scared.

Have a good day 

Sky x

I feel let down.

As many of you know i wrote a blog post a while back on my mums mystery illness and what she has to go through on a daily basis, lately her illness has only gotten worse and her body is so exhausted 24/7 that shes been experiencing pains in every part of her body and has had a dramatic weight loss . I was lucky enough to get a response on my last blog post off a lady who said she could possibly have something called ‘cynical vomiting syndrome’ and if im honest with you i was elated because after looking it up it was exactly what my mum had been going through for as long as i can remember. Personally i would like to thank the woman who took time out of her day to write such a helpful comment, thank you Jess White, because it was the closest we have been to an insight on what could potentially be wrong.

Now as my doctor was always in high command we had to wait over a month and a half to be able to get my mum into an appointment and over that time she progressively got worse and obviously we worried. Eventually her appointment came which when we got there he had a 62 minute delay (which again is normal and we are perfectly ok with) and i wrote everything i needed to down in a bid to at least get some sort of tests or confirmation from the doctor himself. Did we? No. Instead we got a doctor accusing my mum of it all being in her head as she felt guilty for something and felt the need to punish herself.

To say im disgusted would be an understatement. My mum has been poorly for over 20 years. Never in my life have i had the chance to make plans with my mum months before without a fear it would need to be cancelled because she got ill. Shes missed parents evenings, performances and award ceremonies for all three of her children. Shes thrown her guts up for 2 weeks every month for YEARS to be told that its all in her head, that its all a fake reality that shes set up herself.

He didn’t do an examination, he didn’t ask her questions and he merely looked at the paper i had taken time out of my day to write in order for him to understand for the ten thousandth time for him to glance at it, take a look at my mum and assume from that look that there is indeed nothing wrong with her.

Personally i felt like we were being rushed out because he was crazy behind in his schedule and its making me second guess ever going back to him again. Granted it may have been a one off but i feel as though we were shrugged off and my mum was made to be this crazy woman who faked an illness for over half her life.

We are going to get a second opinion, at a different doctors and even to a specialist if need be as personally i dont feel as though anything that doctor said has any relevance to what we asked of him today. As someone who witnesses my mum every day going through this it breaks my heart that at the one chance we got to finally get an answer that we were shrugged off. Was it because we are constantly at the doctors trying to get an answer? Possibly. Im sorry we’re so desperate to help my mum lead a normal life for once but i will continue until someone takes us seriously.

Ill keep you updated.

Have a good day

Sky x

 

Skincare review…..

I must admit before you read any further into this blog im not in the slightest informed in the beauty aspect of things but i personally promised a few people i would do a review on this product after purchasing the 3 step set.

I have always had some trouble with my skin but in the past couple of years it had seemingly gotten worse. To the point makeup would make my face look worse and i would hide away instead of hiding the problem areas because to me it did absolutely nothing but highlight what was wrong and would result in my face becoming extremely sore. The first time my face broke out majorly i went to the doctors not really being aware of what it was as this was so bad and sudden that the thought of it being an allergic reaction came to mind. Turns out it was acne. I got given this godsend of a cream and within a month or three it had all disappeared and i felt somewhat normal again.

The second time i had a major breakout i asked the doctor for the same cream again but got given some stand in and it was absolutely horrible and made my skin feel on fire and full of product 24/7. So i stopped taking it. Whilst i was wondering what to do my dad mentioned the ProActiv+ advert he had seen on TV and said to try it but because of the price i was somewhat reluctant. I’ve never spent so much on mainly myself before. All of my makeup is drug store and many of the brushes are ones I’ve found laying around shops. Yup long story short, i brought it. The name of the one i brought was 30 day 3 step core system.

30-day-core-kit_def

In fact i was lucky that at the time they had an offer on so i got near enough half of the price knocked off plus a free deep cleansing brush and face mask. I mean i could sit here and say i waited and was really apprehensive about the whole thing seeing as personally i have very sensitive skin but no like a kid in a candy shop i went straight for it and washed my face almost straight away.

My first impression

After thoroughly reading through the instructions i saw they stated to use a pea sized amount, i myself use abit more as my forehead resembles that or Ant Mcpartlin but a pea sized amount is just about enough for people with a normal sized forehead i reckon. The skin exfoliate went on smoothly and didn’t feel gritty as all compared to most. If you follow the instructions and apply it to a wet face then it apply smoothly and is easy to spread around your face. The pore treatment to me is like a normal cream. I have definitely seen a difference with it and I’ve only been using this for 2 weeks.

The Skin Hydrator was another thing altogether. I hated it straight away. Not for the way it applied but for the smell. I absolutely hated it and it made me feel somewhat horrid the first day i used it. I cant really describe the smell which is the most difficult thing but as i have no other hydrators to compare it to i dont think i could give a fair view on it. However now im perfectly fine with using it, i seem to have gotten used to the smell and im perfectly fine with it. Its one of those smells that takes a while but you get over it eventually.

Obviously when purchasing these products i looked up about the face mask and indeed saw that you were able to put it on problem areas that were trying to show their face overnight and it would help calm it down. I hardly ever leave product on my face overnight just because im very cautious about those things. However because the sides of my face were coming out really bad i felt as though it would be the perfect time to test the product. It worked. The mask didn’t completely take away the problem but it definitely calmed the area down. The mask does dry after 10 minutes so i was worried about it making those areas dry but after washing it off with the 3 steps it felt just as good as it was before.

The deep cleansing brush i tried the first week or so but it made my face very sore as i said my skin is very sensitive anyway so i prefer not to use that but i do thing its great how it has two settings so depending on your preference you can choose and the new silicone brush is brilliant for washing as it doesn’t take as long to dry as the normal bristle brush

Results

The two pictures on the left were taken the first day i started Proactiv+ and the picture on the right was taken the 13th day of doing proactiv+

Personally to me there is a HUGE difference. The picture on the right is mainly just after scarring and the last of the spots to go. The picture on the left is pretty mild to what it would usually be but is still inflamed with many a sore spots crowded up to eachother. Obviously my whole face is being done in proactiv+ and i do have many a more problem areas but this was my main one and to see the progress its done in just 13 days makes me want to carry on with it. Definitely worth the somewhat expensive price especially with the results i had. It made my skin overly smooth within the 3rd use and by the 4th day i felt like my face had already made so many improvements. I mean granted it is difficult to be able to stick to having to wash your face and put so many creams on your face twice a day but it brings brilliant results!

Have a good day 

Sky x

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Raising money for Charity!!

Today is a post with a complete turn. If anything it has something more to do with my best friend and her life, a personal life from a different view you could say. Now one of my best friends who herself is a survivor of cancer has a niece. A very poorly niece. Mia is beyond an inspiration. At a young age of 1 and a half acute lymphoblastic leukaemia hit Mia only for her to be given the all clear for it to then make an appearance again 7 months later. Mia is currently receiving on going treatment which i personally wouldn’t know the details of but her charity does indeed have a Facebook page if you would like to hear all about Mia and the obstacles she faces https://www.facebook.com/Miamoosfoundation/

The charity itself hope to raise enough funds to purchase a holiday home to help other families who have been effected by childhood cancer and to help them receive well deserved rest beyond their hospital visits and to help create memorable times for the families.

Personally ive only met Mia once. The one time i did meet her was at her Aunties wedding. Im more then aware how poorly she was at the time but you would have never seen that through her. She was happy and full of smiles and just fully enjoying herself. It inspired me beyond belief.

Since then Mia has sadly gotten more poorly and as three people we wanted to do something to help raise the spirit of her family and other families effected so on the 23 July 2017 Me, Her auntie Kerri-ann and our friend Lauren will be doing a Colour Run in aid of Mia Moos Foundation and i would LOVE and APPRECIATE it so much if you could all help us reach near or even on the target. It would mean alot to be able to help and give back.

You can click to Donate Here and please leave your name so we can personally thank you in the future, Thank you so much.

Have a good day

Sky x