Moving house update..

When writing my last blog post my emotions were everywhere. I hated the fact that change was coming and only a couple of days later I would be made to move out of my childhood home. I hated that i didn’t particularly have a say in what was happening and i was moving into a place i HATED with a passion. I didn’t understand and i didn’t like the change so quite naturally i was upset and angry at everything around me.

It’s now coming up to 2 weeks in the new place and my mind has completely changed, I love it. I mean it does come with its downfalls which we are slowly getting over but all in all it’s not as terrible as i thought it would be.

I miss the old house, I miss the stairs and i miss the independence we had from the neighbours, having our own garden and being able to be somewhat inconsiderate when it came to music levels (to an extent might i add as my dad is VERY strict about the volume of music). I miss only having my Nan at the top of the road and being able to pop down for dinner without having her worrying about me getting back home in the dark. I miss the independence i had from everyone else in the house, somewhere i could escape and not have the worry of having anyone walking in constantly.

However with every negative there are so many positives. The new place is right near town meaning not only is my dad able to get out more but I don’t feel as panicky if i happen to want to go out on my own, its close to many of my friends houses which means i dont particularly have to walk far to get there (kind of a selfish thought but its fine). The doctors is literally round the corner which is extremely beneficial with all the doctors and hospital appointments we seem to have in our family and the area where we live now is extremely quiet. We dont have the banging music from neighbours each side and we dont have people fixing cars in our garage out the back. Its pure bliss.

I love it.

I wish I could say the same for my dog though, bless her soul. She didn’t quite understand the first night we stayed here which is understandable. However the poor girl barks at absolutely everything at the moment. We’re hoping it eventually calms down and she just needs to get used to the place, hopefully then i can get a full nights sleep. She is however doing extremely well with not having free range of a garden like she used too. You see our garden isn’t attached to our place, it is in fact a shared garden so we have to go out our front door and through another door to access it which was my main concern as in the old house we used to leave the door open all day for her to freely go in and out and i expected some accidents from her until she adapted but she’s had none whatsoever, shes surprised me by how well shes adapted.

With all the feelings and thoughts of the initial move out the way lets rewind back to moving day. We officially moved all our stuff on a Wednesday, i know during the week is somewhat a strange day but it was really the only day possible. At first we were super stressed on how we were going to manage what with my parents unable to help due to health issues and my siblings not being able to help as one is pregnant and the other was at work, this meaning i was originally going to need to step up. However we had THE best removal men. They done absolutely everything for us, meaning i could go to the new place and make sure i was there when they arrived and everything went into their rightful place. I honestly can not fault them at all, they were polite, gentle with our personal belongings and even made sure my dad didn’t chip in like we knew he would want too. It took around 3 hours to move all of our stuff and by the end of the Wednesday our beds were up and we were half unpacked into our new place. Id like to say we stayed up with that pace of unpacking but 2 weeks later and my mirror is still standing in my bedroom covered in bubble wrap (I’ll get there eventually). The first night was beyond strange and completely different to what i thought it would be. For the first time in years the whole house was able to sit in the front room and just chat and laugh all night whilst eating doughnuts and its up there with one of my favourite memories. The second day was tough, i was feeling awful. As much as i want to say i overdid it, i was missing the old place and feeling overly emotional about all the changes. I was feeling anxious about how the neighbours would react to the dog and whether they were polite or scary. I over thought the fact that we only had one door meaning the only way to get out in a fire if the door was blocked would be the window and the thing that makes me most anxious all the time, the carbon monoxide alarm wasn’t set up.

As the last 2 weeks have gone on i feel myself settling in more and liking the place more and more everyday, do i think i will ever love it more than the old house? no, not at all. I would move back there in a heartbeat if i could but im excited for all the new memories to come in our new place and i cant wait to share them with you all.

Have a good day

Sky x

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The biggest change in my life so far..

Lets throw it back to 2003 when little 6 year old me was told the exciting news that we had finally got a house after living in a tiny flat with my nan for a lengthy period of time, we were finally all going to have our own space and better yet our own bedrooms. The excitement and happiness you feel just to know of all the space you’re going to get to run around, the garden you’re finally going to have to be able to run around without the watchful and very worrying eye following you around constantly. As you can imagine it was an amazing feeling.

Lets fast forward to now. 14 years in this house, the memories that have been collected that 6 year old me could have only dreamed of having. 20 year old me now getting ready to leave.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you’ll know that both my parents arent quite well, especially my dad. Recently after an appointment we were made aware that his mobility can become very limited in a short space of time. Obviously in a house with alot, exactly 13 (I’ve counted them many times), stairs it just isn’t practical. If anything at first we were hoping on adapting the house to what might be needed but quite frankly that just wasn’t manageable. I mean if i could pick absolutely any scenario that would be it. Instead we started what we thought would be a lengthy battle for a new place, a place adapted and fully accessible from each angle.

This is the stage we’re at now, the stage my emotional self is writing from. We found a place, a place that is pretty much everything that is needed for us yet here i am feeling like an ungrateful spoilt brat at the thought of having to move from a house filled with so many memories. I cant really remember not living in this house, i cant remember a memory that doesn’t involve these certain rooms. Quite frankly i couldn’t imagine a memory without them.

With every new place there is ups and downs and things you will and will not like, having experienced these along with my nan and her many moves i feel that comes naturally to any place yet here i am despising a place straight away just because its not my childhood home. I feel like im not able to vision it being home or giving it a fair chance because of having such an emotional attachment to our current home. For example i find myself worrying and overthinking the most stupidest of things like will my dog like the new place or will it confuse her and make her unhappy, how will the place fair overtime, will it still be as great and how can we possibly downside such a big house into such a small space and it still be livable. Im aware how silly this all sounds but my mind is my mind and its always worked in mysterious ways.

I am in fact writing this in advance to when it’s going to be posted meaning we in fact haven’t said yes to the new place nor have we got the keys until around 3 days time and when this is posted we will probably be way into the dept of moving in and somehow finding out how to get rid of several cardboard boxes that suddenly have no use to them, i may feel differently then or i may feel exactly the same i haven’t a clue but ill be sure to update you all when we eventually move in and get settled.

Have a good day 

Sky x

Update on life..

I’m back!

I’ve been absent for a while and whilst i wish i had some sort of excuse for it to make my life seem somewhat exciting i sadly don’t. If anything it’s just the natural progression of life that has caught me off guard and several things have come up altogether so i thought what better way then to sum everything up from the last couple of weeks in one post.

Going way back to my last blog post, a few days before my family had made a decision that pretty much changes the everyday running of life meaning any spare second has gone to getting ready and all packed up for a new adventure which i will eventually talk about in a later blog post.

I then last-minute decided to take a trip to London, ON MY OWN. If you’ve read my blog from the beginning you would be aware on how much of a big deal that is, for me to get on a train by myself and travel all the way to London before meeting friends is a big deal and if im honest with you i was doubting myself, abit like everyone else but i felt different somehow. I felt like even though i was god awful petrified to the point i was throwing up that i could still do it and i did! If im completely honest i personally know i wouldn’t have even had the thought to try if it hadn’t had been for my two best friends pushing me into travelling with them only a few months before. I feel thankful that i have such supportive but pushing people by my side, it being exactly what i need.

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After that weekend i felt poorly and drained from such a good day but also such an exhausting week beforehand what with panicking about what could potentially go wrong meaning the next couple of days i was just resting and getting myself back up to normal health.

The next big event after that was quite possibly the saddest, in my eyes anyway. My baby niece started nursery and my eldest niece started big school. That’s right they’re both officially in some sort of education. I’m so sad that they are growing up but so happy of the little ladies they are turning into. Whilst the eldest is loving going to big school, wearing a uniform and learning new things, my poor sensitive soul in the youngest one is hating her time at nursery at the moment, meaning her little face when she goes in is a little short of heartbreaking but I know in a few weeks she’ll love the place. Not going to lie that being with my sister when they are both in school/nursery is too quite and now I cant wait until October for the baby to arrive!

I was hoping to update after them starting school but typical me caught a bug and when I say a bug i mean i felt bed bound for days by how go awful it made me feel but i won’t go into detail as i know some people who read my blog may have a phobia and not particularly like talk of such things.

To say a specific date I could update next would be bad of me what with certain things in my life at the moment being uncertain and left in the open to be decided at any time meaning i can only say that the next post will be up when i get the time away from my hectic life. I do however miss posting weekly, i feel its my time out on life and i can let my feelings be known a different way and a way that wouldn’t get too many questions but I’ll get back to that schedule eventually.

Have a good day 

Sky x

Anxious obsessions…

Obsessions are something you’re not necessarily aware you’re doing. They start off slowly and suddenly you’re stuck in the middle of this situation where you’re unsure on whether to keep going with the obsession or try and ween yourself away.

Throughout our lifetime we probably go through several of these, most of them being normal and completely healthy obsessions with what may be a product or a person (somewhat healthy then?) whereas other times it can be completely out of the blue.

My obsession was and still is somewhat embarrassing and very pathetic sounding. I take screenshots on my phone. Not in the bitchy way or the way in which you would send to a group chat. I screenshot because of the time. If i open my phone i HAVE to screenshot it, granted now it isn’t that excessive and im able to only do it if i feel as though the time has some sort of significance to it but its still pretty much there.

I remember i started doing it because of 11:11, a time these days that is often associated with good luck and then i started to do it on other times like 12:12, 23:23 or even times like 01:23 or 12:30. My body then was taken over by panic at the thought of not doing it every time i opened my phone, this meaning even if it was clicked on accidentally and the screen lit up i would HAVE to screenshot it because if i didn’t i would be taken over by this overwhelming feeling of panic.

It was like an anxiety attack but also very different from one. Not only was i anxious at the thought of what may happen if i didn’t screenshot i was also anxious of forgetting to screenshot meaning most of my time was taken over by making sure that was at the front of my mind in order to screenshot it. It even got to a point that my entire camera roll was filled with screenshots. Below I’ve attached a picture showing just the extent of my obsession, although you cant see the time and this was just a few of them screenshots it gives you the idea of how bad it got.

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Eventually i was lucky enough to be able to get out of the mind set that i NEEDED to screenshot every time im on my phone and i currently only do it at times i feel are special in respect to what hour it is. So the anxious obsession is still very much present and showing itself.

To me personally it is strange and embarrassing but i feel as though its good to talk about it and get it out there so other people who may have what they feel strange anxious obsessions can know they’re not alone and its perfectly ok.

Have a good day 

Sky x

 

 

If you’re on Facebook why not like my page! https://www.facebook.com/Skylouiseblu/

The colour run for Mia Moo’s Foundation..

On the 23rd July 2017 me and two friends participated in a colour run in aid of Mia Moos Foundation. Now before i go into the day i just want to take some time out to explain why raising money for this charity meant alot to us. Mia Moo’s Foundation is in fact named after the beautiful Mia who is currently very poorly after relapsing. She also happens to be the niece of my beautiful best friend. Out of respect to not only their family but the charity itself im going to insert a piece of writing that is on the official Facebook page for the charity so you can all be informed correctly on Mia Moo’s Foundation.

Mia Moo was first diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia when she was 1 and a half years old. After two and a half years of treatment including chemotherapy she was given the all-clear in December 2015. 
      Mia enjoyed a period of being well but unfortunately after 7 months Mia began to have serve headaches. Although her initial blood test and CT scan were clear, Mia’s consultant conducted a lumbar puncture to be sure of the situation and heartbreakingly this revealed that Mia had cancer in her spinal fluid; Mia had relapsed. 
    Mia is now fighting cancer for the second time in her short life. Chemotherapy started again in July 2016 and a search to find a bone marrow donor for a bone marrow transplant began. 
   In October 2016 Mia’s family received the news a bone marrow donor had been found and Mia would be moved to Sheffield Children’s Hospital where chemotherapy would continue and radiotherapy would start in preparation for her transplant. 
   Mia received her transplant on 20th October 2016. After 5 gruelling weeks Mia was finally allowed home but continued to have treatment and trips back and forth to Sheffield Children’s Hospital. Mia will remain on medication for the rest of her life. 
  After Mia’s first diagnosis, she was fortunate enough to be able to go on a family holiday in-between treatments. Recognising the immense joy this gave Mia, the family have now set up a charity to help other children in Mia’s situation, to be able to experience the same special family time away from the reality of cancer.
  Mia Moo’s Foundation wants to raise at least £40,000 to purchase a holiday home that will be used by families in similar circumstances. 
Our vision is for this facility to offer families affected by childhood cancer a lifeline, offering them invaluable respite between hospital visits, treatment and an opportunity to make special memories 
  Mia Moo’s crew have been fundraising by attending, summer fetes, Christmas fayres, holding meal nights and hosting ladies nights. The crew are always working hard behind the scenes getting ready for the next fundraiser and coming up with new fundraising ventures.”

To follow the charity and keep up to date like their page here Mia Moo’s Foundation

As 3 individuals we decided that we wanted to do something to raise money, we set our target quite high and then went on trying to get some donations. In the mist of getting donation we were also hoping to spread the word around about the charity what with my somewhat high amount of twitter followers i was hoping a RT or two could help in that. Im not going to go into the negatives of the amount of people who weren’t up to helping with a single RT because this is a positive post but i wont deny that it didn’t hurt a little.

After months of trying to get donations it was the night before and we were all together, i think it was only a few minutes before midnight of the day of the colour run that we hit our target of £500 which is absolutely amazing. We are so thankful to everyone who took the time and the money to help us make this happen.

When it comes to the day of the colour run we weren’t really sure what to expect what with the fact we had never done anything like this before and only really ever witnessed it on pictures or videos. It was fun, very fun in fact. I mean granted you maybe got abit of colour in your throat but even with that it was 100% worth it and totally makes me want to start doing more events and things in the hopes of raising even more money.

It fills me with such pride that we did this and was able to raise such a huge amount for such an amazing charity. I will continue to constantly spread the word about this charity to make people more aware of not only the amazing family behind it but also the beautiful girl that inspired it.

Mia, i am forever proud of you and not just as your aunties best friend but a simple onlooker. You inspire me everyday to be a better person and to always smile. Keep fighting gorgeous girl.

Have a good day

Sky x

 

My thoughts on traveling to London in the future…

My thoughts are anything but happy. I thought finally travelling to London would break a cycle and allow me to have more of my life back but honestly im probably more petrified to go back then i was to go in the first place.

I can’t put my finger on it, for days after going i was all hyped up and even thinking of planning a proper shopping trip in London and then suddenly that stopped and was replaced by panic attacks about going again and being in such a different environment. Which thinking about it logically that environment wouldn’t be as bad considering I’ve now been there once before, i don’t know but the thought of going again is not something that keeps my mind and thoughts settled.

It got me thinking, we all have this idea that as soon as we beat a demon inside of us that it would immediately go away or disappear to a point that still enables us to do something new when in fact its anything but that. If anything it consumes your thoughts even more because you have all the good memories from that one time but you also have all the fear that you experienced whilst trying to get there. The fear that is the route to why you stop doing certain things in the first place. The sickness, the bad thoughts and the idea of wanting to get off at every train station inbetween where you’re meant to go because at least you’d be closer to home then what you intend to be. It makes you feel more claustrophobic and the tightness that was in your throat before almost doubles. Caught in a state of mind that you dont want to feel that fear again but you want to feel that happiness always. Happiness is something you are told to base your whole life around, that happiness is the key but you’re not told how to act when your mind isn’t allowing you to reach your own happiness.

If im being completely honest i dont know if i ever will get to London again, i would love to. I mean theres only so long you can walk around my tiny town before getting bored of all the constant shops that are appearing one week and disappearing the next. I want to go to get pictures, to experience the shopping and to see friends i haven’t seen in a while but i don’t know if i ever will. I suppose this is what they call that wishful thinking.

I know i can do it, I’ve already done it once and proved to myself that it was possible and i could fully enjoy myself whilst im out there so the fact im even more anxious to go back then what i was confuses me even more. I’ve never really experienced a feeling like this before so its all a new learning curve for me, whether its one i begin to understand is another story.

Have a good day

Sky x

Traveling again for the first time in 4 years!!

I remember the first day after Wireless was booked and how nervous and consumed with different thoughts i was. I was worried that i would chicken out days before or even last minute and there was no way at all that i would get in the train station where i live let alone on a train on the way to London.

If im completely honest it was alot calmer then i thought. Im unsure whether that was because i was around friends and didn’t particularly want to embarrass myself as internally i felt anything but calm. I felt worse. My body being overtaken with the worst feelings from the middle of Saturday meaning the dinner that was so nicely cooked for me by one of my best friends i didn’t eat because i just felt too sick at the thought of travelling. Our Saturday consisted of trying to get ready for the Sunday as we had to wake up early and just relaxing. If im honest we did alot more relaxing then we should have. Aiming to go to sleep at 9 and still being awake at gone 1 in the morning when we had a 4am alarm. I regret however that with all the laughing we did there was only an hour of sleep before we woke up at 3:30am to begin our journey.

Getting ready Sunday morning was all a rush so the thought of actually travelling completely vanished from my mind until we left. See we had made plans to go to mcdonalds to have breakfast before we left and just the thought that we were so clearly going somewhere not local meant i felt sick to my stomach but i knew i needed to eat else i’d be feeling even more sick then i did. The taxi journey to the train station however, i felt everything in my body completely overreact and the level of tears i was already holding back seemed to higher in level but the last thing i really wanted to do was cry.

I cant really explain the feeling of walking into the train station and instantly seeing the tracks, it was like i was having some out of body experience. Part of me was petrified beyond belief but then part of me was over the moon because i had actually done it and was standing there waiting on going to a place that i hadn’t been able to go to in 4 years! I mean granted i wish it stayed that way for the whole of the wait but as soon as we collected our tickets it felt more real and again i was back at that place of holding back the tears and close to chickening out. When i say i was close to chickening out i dont think many people are aware just how close i was, i was so tempted to just walk out of the train station and forget about the whole thing especially when the train became delayed but thanks to the confidence boosts from my best friends i was able to get on the train and on my way to London before i knew it.

To say getting on the train made me feel 10X better would be a lie. The moment i stepped onto the train i had this rush feeling like i was going to pass out and that pretty much stayed with every knock and wobble the train carriage had. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach making itself known every now and again just to make sure i was aware it was still there. The journey felt like it went on forever yet somehow we were there in just over an hour.

When we got to London i felt a sense of relief, after 4 years of absolute horror to get here i was finally walking down those escalators in St Pancras station. I felt like i had achieved something and almost as though i knew this certain event was going to change my life. Yes i still felt extremely anxious over the fact i still had tubes to catch and there was huge crowds gathering everywhere but if im honest with you it didn’t matter. I was finally in London.

The day was amazing and although i had a few wobbles thoughout it and the crowds where sometimes too much to handle i made the most of it and i wouldnt ever rule out doing again, soon maybe. Who knows.

Feel free to Check out my video of the journey there. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkKxZA5DIyw

Have a good day 

Sky x