Last night i went on a night out, a night out that ive probably been out to untold times. A night out that always starts and ends the same so gives me somewhat help in getting my mind ready for if something may happen. Last night however it was anything but normal. The start of the night was perfectly fine, in fact we started half way through the day and i was able to have a really good and relaxed time. My chest pains were hurting, an effect of my own stupidity may i add, but apart from that everything was fine.
We had a few pre-drinks you know the normal of drink more, spend less when you’re out sort of thing that everyone’s does and it was going alright. Now im not going to go into detail about the events that happened because not only would that be rude of me but its not something that i feel would be appreciated in being plastered on the internet so instead im going to skip forward to my major attack.
I wish i could explain what started it specifically but if im honest with you i haven’t got a clue. Its that feeling that takes over you and then you’re more then aware that everyone else is around you and probably looking at why you are acting somewhat strange so in true Sky fashion i went to the toilet. Not only to try and calm myself down but to also avoid making a dick out of myself. I still did. I thought i had fully calmed down turns out as soon as i came out of the toilet i completely lost it and went into a pretty mild anxiety attack (mild for me anyway)
I always feel with my blog i should let everyone know that its not something to be embarrassed about and you shouldn’t feel that way. Its true you shouldn’t but that doesn’t mean you dont. I cant even begin to explain to you how stupid i felt as soon as it had passed, how embarrassed i was that people had to witness that in such a public place. I mean granted at the end of it i was able to carry on with my night and get drunk and forget about it but as soon as i woke up this morning i just felt horrid. You see when you have an anxiety attack you’re somewhat embarrassed over what you’re anxious about, its a natural feeling but when you have that feeling plus completely losing it to the level i did, its beyond embarrassing, i could cry thinking about it right now.
Its made me somewhat more self conscious. I wont be rushing out anywhere anytime soon, i doubt ill have any plans made simply because i need my time to get over such embarrassment so until then i’ll probably dissolve back into my little safe bubble i have. Not that it makes it any better. Having an anxiety attack that bad in front of people effects you in EVERY way. I dont want to be around people, i dont want to risk that happening again and i just dont want anyone to know me right now, thats the level of embarrassment i feel every time one of those attacks happen. It sounds silly and im aware it sounds silly like everything i write about probably sounds silly in one point of view but its real and it happens regularly.
On the plus side my makeup stayed in tact!
Have a good day