medication

Pretty frequent question right?

I mean anyone with true concern will probably ask you during the day whether you have taken the tablets you got given in a bid to make you somewhat better and thats perfectly normal.

Imagine instead of asking out of concern, it randomly pops up in a conversation and they only bring it up because you become somewhat irate, they only bother to ask about your medication when your attitude becomes different and you become a shell of yourself around a scary situation? I can tell you from the view of someone it happens to VERY often that its demoralizing. Im aware to other people this may seem a silly subject and maybe people who have to take medication may be wondering what the hell i am on about but if im being honest. I have taken medication for my mental health for YEARS. Its something i lean on, something that brings some sort of comfort to the fact that i will be less on edge then what i would usually be without them so when someone asks if I’ve taken them it makes me automatically think im acting out of character for what is seen as normal, it makes me feel like either they are no longer working or in fact im too messed up for them to make a difference anymore. I become on edge for the rest of the day, its not a momentary thing that you can laugh and shrug off when i ask why and you reply ‘just wondering’. It sticks with us ALL day.

I admit some days i do in fact forget to take my medication, weirdly taking them for so long has had no effect on my memory of taking them because im just as useless at remembering as i was in the beginning. Luckily I’ve never really had to experience properly going without them since taking them (thanks mum!) but i am aware that in the future there may be a day that i go without them completely whether that be by choice or just because i simply forget to take them all together and the thought of how this one question could effect me then had me thinking.

You see with some medication it is completely up to you what you do with them, last time i had my medication reviewed i was unable to go any higher with them as for my age i was at the highest that they deemed safe which means when i feel as though the effect of this medication isn’t as effective anymore i have to decide whether to carry on with them or try and go without them and again go through counselling. I could NOT hear that question at any point in that whole timeline. I could not cope with the idea that whilst i am trying to overcome a certain obstacle that i must not have taken them because i seem more out of place then normal. It plays on my mind now when im more then aware of what my mood may be and i know how scary and how up and down that time of your life can be. I was in that time of my life only 3/4 years ago. I personally went through it and even though i was lucky enough to not be asked that question i know if i did i would have probably lost it all together. Even now it makes me angry. We could be absolutely anywhere but you ask me that question and i lose it, good mood or bad mood i will lose it. I hate the question with a passion. I hate the feelings that come along with the question and i hate the guilt of constantly feeling like im doing something wrong or walking on egg shells because of it.

Asking if im okay is perfect. Asking whether im okay is in fact 100% the right way to go about it. Ask me okay until im blue in the face replying to it. Just never ask me if i have taken my tablets today.

Have a good day

Sky x

Now im aware to some people this is a topic they dont particular like to be covered, people often assume that if you make what medication you’re taking to be known you’re either attention seeking or finding the easy way out. Opinions are something everyone is entitle too whether we ourselves see them as right or wrong. Now i could sit here and talk about every single tablet i have taken for my anxiety but im afraid we might be here reading this all day so im going to keep it current.

I take 40mg of Fluoxetine and 120mg of Propranolol a day, not all at once obviously but spaced out into stated amounts throughout the day. You see im not one of those people that assume medication is the one thats making you worse nor am i one to assume that it cures everything. Im merely just someone trying any way to make my mind somewhat better to be able to cope with everyday life.

Now with medication they never usually start you of on anything strong, funnily enough i was started on a medication which side effects were that it could increase your levels of anxiety, amusing i know. Over time i gradually got onto stronger medication and then on to the one i have now, the bad thing is ive been told im not allowed anything stronger, they cant up my dosage nor am i able to be prescribed anything stronger because there just isnt anything they can give me, this is where it gets complicated because i know they used to help and to some extent they still do but overtime my body is getting use to them and the effects are becoming less dominant. I know eventually i’ll have to face the truth and be taken off them completely, i suppose in a way they’re sort of a comfort blanket to me.

However Bare in mind everyones outlook on their medication is different, i mean to judge someone for the way the decide to handle something is wrong let alone judging them for their choice of medication. I can give you all the self help tips i can but honestly self help is quite possibly one of the most difficult things to do, even counselling. The first couple of months are constant fights with your own mind on whether you should do something, constant fears and constant backlashes from your own thoughts. Im aware some people think that if you take medication you’re weak and taking the easy way out and im aware some people think its the medication that makes us worse and im ok with that, if someone looks at me funny because they’ve found out im on medication for a mental illness thats their problem not mine, they can have opinions and they can voice them but as long as their opinions arent forced on to me then they’re nothing to worry about.

The things you need to know!

When taking medication for the first time some people are unaware of how much you have to look into what you’re taking. They often skip the very important leaflet that is included in the box assuming its as boring as a terms and condition of a website, its not.

The leaflet is usually split into sections, each sections informing us of different things to do with the medication you are taking. These are usually

Important things to know about the medication.
What your capsules are and what they are used for.
What to look for before you take your medication.
How to take your medication
Possible side effects, from severe to hardly noticeable.
How to store your medication.
Further information you may want to know.

I get the leaflet looks like a bore, i get its not very appealing to look at nor is it something you wish to keep your focus on for very long but it is very important and its better to read before thinking of putting any new drug in your body for not only your peace of mind but also for the sake of your health. Some medication has very strict guidelines that need to be followed, often like not drinking alcohol or just simply eating something either 30 minutes before or 30 minutes after taking it. It may seem little but they are so important to make sure its being 100% effective and helping you as much as it can.

Saying this medication is always a choice and i am in no way forcing this option on you, i am not saying everyone needs to be on medication, im not saying that it’s the only way to be sane. Everyone is different and if you feel like you dont need medication then dont and if you feel like you do contact your doctor they can advice you and you could potentially get the help you need without the need for medication.

If im honest i just want everyone to be able to speak about it freely. I feel as though theres some sort of barrier surrounding the thought of medication and how we should hide it away from everyone because if we happen to be open about it we’re attention seeking and asking for people to feel for us in some way. We’re not. Im not. I want to take my medication without people giving me funny looks, i want to fill in a form without getting the feeling im being thrown away immediately. I want to feel like taking my medication is ok and not something i should be ashamed of because right now i am and its other people that are making me feel like that. I hide away and take my medication when i know i wont be around anyone whilst doing it and thats wrong.

Have a good day

Sky x