Going into Secondary school was never going to be easy, it taking me 6 years already to settle into a school with people i knew the whole time not really making me feel confident about how i was going to settle into a completely new school with a new schedule, new children and a whole new layout. As some of you may be aware before you go into secondary school you have two induction days. I only went to one and the one day i did attend i cried the entire day, i HATED it. I felt trapped and the fact that the rest of the years looked down on us and thought they could get away with treating us however they wanted didn’t help but add to my already off the scale anxiety. This meant that on the second induction day i went straight back to that girl i had left behind only half a year ago. Sobbing my heart out every morning and putting my parents through absolute hell due to the fear i had.
Year 7 – 2008
Year 7 was a year of complete change for me. I had gone from having that safety network of being walked right to the classroom door to only being walked up to my nans and then walking with my sister and brother into school. I had gone to having these different classes with different teachers that didn’t understand the past situations or how to handle it correctly and worse of all, i had gone from everyone being equal in the classroom to it all being about being at the top of the popularity table. It was like a war zone to me.
However apart from the obvious changes, looking back at my report i seemed to do perfectly fine work wise. My grades being very high and only having 1 C for the end of year, the rest being A’s and B’s. Which taking into consideration everything that was going on in that time of my life i can only be shocked about.
Getting further into the year however, in geography especially, my mood seemed to start changing towards how i would act when things would happen.
“It is also a concern to me that when Sky is corrected for something such as turning around or talking, she tends to react negatively and become upset rather than taking the correction on board”
I remember that subject very well and although i dont particularly remember the teacher very well i do remember one incident where i had gotten so upset i walked out of the class and locked myself in the toilet. I had been humiliated in front of the entire class by the teacher and to me that was my worst nightmare come true. After that i bunked off Geography as much as i could.
I suppose a plus for me in some ways is that by the time i was in year 7 my sister and brother were both known by pretty much every teacher as they were a couple of years in front of me and compared to them i was an angel so i managed to get away with alot more then i should have, thankfully.
Maths: “Sky is an enthusiastic student who takes pride in her work. Sky works best when in a small group but will still need to participate in the whole class discussions. She is a little quiet in class and i am concerned that she does not always ask if she does not fully understand the task that has been set”
English: “Sky is most often focused and ready to participate. She can be a hard working and conscientious student”
Science: “Sky is making good progress in Science. She asks and answers questions and is always willing to share her thoughts and ideas with the class”
Year 8 – 2009
I feel as though year 8 was the year i settled back again into someone who didn’t particularly enjoy the school atmosphere but knew i just had to get on with it. Granted i still had alot more time off school but i didn’t feel as petrified to go in. I mean there was the odd rumours going round but at the end of the day i wasn’t going to let something silly effect me so deeply.
I dont really have any memories of year 8 other then knowing it was a big year as it was the last year i would have to go along with the standard lessons for school as at the end of the year i would be able to choose what i felt confident in doing.
Even though my grades stayed quiet steady reading through my report its clear that my confidence was taking a tumble. This was the year i would become unable to do presentations or present anything to a group of people.
English: “Sky can explain her opinions clearly, although she needs to ensure she displays herself confidently in presentations”
Maths: “I would like Sky to be more vocal in the classroom both with asking questions and sharing ideas as i worry this may hinder her progress in later years”
Science: “Sky is a confident and charismatic member of the group who is only too willing to share her ideas and opinions”
Year 9 – 2010
Where to start with this year. Everything changed. My lessons, the people in those lessons and the importance of what i was doing. It quite frankly petrified me. This is where bullying really was an issue. An issue to the point at the start of year 9 i didn’t attend school for at least 2 months. I felt horrible. Like those little rumours going around in school had sudden become even worse and i was trapped and unable to make any friends because they all saw me in the same way merely because the people who had spread the rumours were among the popular lot and to be honest in school everyone’s basically chained to their arse.
This meant that before i had even started getting into learning the options i had chosen i was behind. My grades had slipped and i was somewhat struggling to keep up. This is also the year i had gone back to making a fuss about going to school. Every morning i would say i was poorly to push my luck and see if i was able to have the day off of school. Sadly this is also the year my dad had to quit work because of health issues meaning i wasn’t able to get away with just as much time off as i used too.
My English grades had slipped from an A to a C. My maths from an A to a D and BTEC science i was failing. It was basically a year where my mental health became more prominent in my life but at the time it didn’t occur to anyone that was happening. I didn’t even know that these issues existed, we were never taught about mental health or the effects it could have on a person let alone what to look out for when diagnosing.
When i did finally go back into school i came to the realization that a few of my new option classes were fine. Hospitality and catering only having 7 people in it and all of them being somewhat friendly so i managed to cope. My option ICT being the same, everyone got along. They were quite possibly the only subjects in school that i was able to just sit and relax too. Then halfway through the year everything got bad again and with doing presentations being a compulsory thing in school subjects i had a complete meltdown and felt myself reaching bottom again and not being able to go into school, skipping days and even lessons whenever i could. Add all that with the fact i didn’t particular get along with my English teacher as it was, it was like hell for me.
English, Lesson attendance 74.5% :“Sky needs to spend more time on her class and her home work, as it can sometimes be unfinished or not completed to the highest of standard. Her controlled assessment is up to date except for her performance piece which needs to be completed as soon as possible. Sky achieved a band 2 on her recent controlled assessment and should be aiming for a band 4/5”
Maths, Lesson attendance 76.5%: “Sky is currently working at a grade B and is a focused member of the group who wants to achieve a high grade. Skys class work is good quality and she finds it easy to understand new topics”
Science, Lesson attendance 74.3%: “Sky is a hard working and conscientious student who always produces a good standard of work. Sky should be proud of her achievements this year”
Year 10 – 2011
What can i say about this year other then it was the start of my complete downhill spiral. I sadly dont have a report for this year as i was just not at school that much to be able to receive one. Quite frankly during this year if i was at school it was a miracle. I was behind on all my work and setting myself up for a fail.
I had changed classes yet again which caused me an unnecessary amount of stress. I had been kept in BTEC science when i had really wanted to be put into a GCSE class for that year so i spent the first couple of lessons sorting my move out to another class, who i was lucky enough to have an amazing teacher for.
I had English with a different teacher which i was happy about but my old teacher had spoke about me so much in the staff room that i felt somewhat scared of any English teacher as i had been given so many funny looks from them all, even given snide marks by my old English teacher whilst they were around. Turns out the day she realised i wasn’t in her class anymore she made a funny remark about it in front of the entire class. Another confidence knock.
This year was filled with loads of knock downs if im honest with you. I remember an incident in business where the shape of my hair bun became topic of conversation which led me to cut my hair to a reasonable length so i could have it in a ponytail, i remember just walking to class no problem and a girl making a remark about not putting some foam on me because i would cry like a baby and the worst one of all, i remember going into maths late one day as i had a form meeting with my tutor which at one point everyone had to have and i had been told to pick a group to join. Being a normal person i picked a group with one of my friends in only to be met with the loud and very rude remark of “I dont want her joining our group” The entire class laughed. I have never in my entire life felt as humiliated and hurt as i did that moment. Not one person stuck up for me or said something back for the remark and that is something that i will always remember from School.
Year 11 – 2012
I say year, it was more like a few weeks. A few weeks that fully petrified me into never wanting my future kids to go into a school, to never want them to experience education in the way i did. The year hadn’t started off very well as it was, although i had all the same classes, luckily. There had been an incident which meant there was a lot of fuss. Im sure ive mentioned this before but im not going into it, we are grown ups now and thats a thing of the past, a thing i do not hold any grudges or anything for and a situation that just needs to be forgotten now.
I had been pulled out of classes by teachers non stop, not only for this situation but for other reasons such as my attendance already failing and my work going dramatically downhill. The issue i had a problem with is they were moaning about my work going downhill but it was them that were taking me out of class for god knows how long to have a long rant at me about what was expected of me. This meaning i was losing vital time on my lessons for my GCSEs.
Now due to everything i didn’t quite see the point in going into school. My mental health had gotten to a very severe point at this stage and it was in fact my dad who said to me if i wanted to leave school that was up to me and he would be 100% behind me. Now i must admit leaving school at the start of the most important year there is was not something i thought i would ever be doing. I wanted to do my GCSEs, go to six form and hopefully get into university but here i was stuck in a situation where i was going to lessons crying my eyes out over the stress and the anxiety of everything. One situation getting so bad that i had been crying my eyes out in the toilet for 20 minutes before going back into lesson to only go straight in and ending up sobbing my eyes out for the rest of the lesson. Luckily my science teacher was a very understanding man.
That was the day i had enough and i called my mum and said to her to come and get me, that was the day i had cemented in my mind that i was leaving school and not coming back. That was also the day a teacher had called my mum an unfit mother but again thats not something i am going to get into.
So thats pretty much my entire school life written out for you all in stages to help you understand properly just when everything started to go wrong. I left school with no GCSEs and the worst mental health but here i am today. Different achievements thanks to college and a mental health that is slowly improving. I may have felt like i ruined many years of my life with a situation that made me feel beyond fixable but i was lucky enough to gain some amazing people in my life thanks to it.
Have a good day